NOTE: this article is NOT about the nasty exchanges that happened but more about insights gained and lessons learned from that explosive episode.
Neo-McCarthyism These are crazy times and a neo-McCarthyism called Cancel Culture is warping the US social landscape and finding it's way across the oceans and into Thailand. But what exactly is Cancel Culture? I didn't even know this word until a friend messaged me and said, "You're a victim of Cancel Culture". I said, "Cancel what?" I had to look it up.
What is Cancel Culture? Cancel Culture is a corrosive social cancer that eats up its host - society itself. It's a rabid attack by a loud minority to collectively cancel you out by riling up the public against you - cancel you out of your career, out of your social circle, out of family and out of society. You can be attacked for almost anything they deem unacceptable - a harmless tweet from years back, a remark taken out of context, or even from a fabricated lie. When you'd been pushed out of the grid in shame, you'd been CANCELED. Victims lose their jobs, careers are shattered, friendships are broken, families are torn and some take their own lives. It creates a chilling climate of fear and produces a paralyzing effect on society at large. It feels like walking on a minefield - even the most benevolent gesture can be weaponized against you. Worse, mainstream society, for fear of this vicious attack, plays along and casts innocent victims as collateral damage. Yes, this is f$#%king serious!
This plague has spread like a virus and polarized US society on what just might become a civil war. There is now talk of cessation from the union to create a separate country called the Republic of America.
getting 'CANCELED'
How It All Began for Me Before you read any further, this is NOT about the nasty exchanges that happened, but about the events that led to it (as a background).
An acquaintance complained about a sore back. In my eagerness to help, I gave her a loud chopping massage on the back - like what barbers do. It was done in an open public area at Thapae Gate in front of all our common friends - hardly what you would call a creepy massage. It made her feel uncomfortable but made no mention of it. I had no clue. It wasn't about the massage but about her trauma history - she said so herself. While she didn't voice that out, she told everyone else behind my back that I gave her a 'creepy massage'.
My mistake was not having asked her first - that's my only mistake. It spread like wildfire that I gave her a creepy massage. People just jumped in without verifying what exactly happened. Before you know it, I was already the sexual predator. Yes, as absurd as it sounds, that's how it all began. The lady has since apologized and fully retracted what was said. But another lady, knowing fully well that there was already an apology and a retraction, used that incident as a pretext to maliciously fabricate lies to smear my character.
I have done nothing wrong and I'm being publicly attacked? It was already too much for me. I have nothing to hide, so I aggressively fought back by publicly posting a play-by-play of what happened, of behind-the-scenes manipulation by my attacker and backed it up with telling and powerful screenshots. When given compelling proof, the community slowly morphed and began to see things in clear light. People have come forward in support - some were not even close friends, just acquaintances. This is when my attackers stood silent.
Why Me? I'd like to think I live a very decent life where I sleep well knowing I didn't short-change anyone. I make an effort to live in harmony with everyone and everything around me. I wasn't always this way. But with my yoga practice, I see clearly in no uncertain terms that the optimum way to live is to stay on the positive side.
So, that being the case, why is this firestorm happening to me? I could think of a lot of people more deserving of this nightmare. Why me? I can only speculate, some speculation bordering on arrogance.
Strong opinions - it's safer to keep strong opinions to yourself. I can't. Some people are inadvertently ruffled by that. It's human nature - it's easier to hate someone who is 'opinionated' than someone who has 'no opinion'.
I asked for it - I've always considered it a waste of space if I went through life not going through some very powerful human experiences. Would you like to go through life not knowing what it feels like to fall madly in love? Or go through life not experiencing what it's like to have your heart broken into a million different bits? And this firestorm is no less powerful than those, despite its nasty unpleasantness. That is exactly how I see it. I asked for it, now I got it.
Because it had to happen and I am uniquely qualified to take it - yes, it sounds arrogant, but I have to be honest with how I see things - arrogant or not. I have seen men victimized by this Cancel Culture for no wrong-doing. Instead of fighting back, they cowered, took their tail between their legs and cocooned in a cave until it was safe to come out. I actually met one who stayed out of the radar for 3 years! When he came out, he was irreversibly damaged. Life was never the same. It was like walking with a permanent limp.
My yoga/meditation practice has kept me strong - strong enough to weather this onslaught with awareness that everything is impermanent. Instead of being bent, twisted and damaged, I came out of this a much stronger individual.
It had to happen to me because I will talk about it and expose the social cancer in our midst that people may not even be aware of.
Like me or hate me - people who know me either like me or hate me. I don't come across as neutral. Those who don't like me, found their chance to jump in and join the feeding frenzy.
Because I'm genuinely happy and they are not - again, that's human nature. Friends will desire your well-being and happiness as long as it does not exceed theirs.
Shifting Reaction Through the entire process of this firestorm, my reaction/feelings shifted and morphed from one form to another. I remained aware of this gradual and sometimes oscillating shift.
Angry - at first, I was very angry and wanted to inflict pain and retribution to everyone out to harm me
Wanting it to stop - after a week or so, the anger shifted into a genuine desire to make the madness stop. Yes, it was extremely unpleasant but also, it made no utter sense. It was simply mindless madness - ironically from 'conscious' people who are 'aware' and 'mindful'. I just wanted people to begin thinking critically and shed this mob-mentality.
Let it burn - finally, instead of making efforts to make it stop, I simply let go and let it burn as much as it needs to - I have the strength to carry on, I have the endurance to stay for the long haul, and I'm willing to take the heat. Let it burn until there is nothing left to burn. I'll even pour gasoline if need be. Only then can new growth happen and the healing commence.
Insight Gained To most victims, such an unpleasant experience is best swept under the rug and forgotten - moving on with life (however damaged). But, if you look back mindfully and examine the play-by-play and understand the domino-principle of cause-and-effect, this otherwise traumatic experience can be a treasure trove of powerful lessons and insight.
Real friends - I have always maintained that your real friends are those who defend you when you are being mud-slinged behind your back. Let me add to that. Real friends are the ones who step forward and let their support be publicly known. There is always a risk that an angry mob will attack them in turn. It takes strength, integrity and courage on their part to assume this risk.
And in a triumph of the human spirit, some people who were not even close friends but merely acquaintances, also stepped forward to shed light on the warped narrative. They didn't do it out of friendship, but out of integrity and strength of their character.
And to the very few who stepped forward and exhibited resolve, words are not enough to convey my gratitude and my unflinching support when your time of need comes.
Jaded about Humanity? - without mindful thinking, it's easy to be jaded and simply withdraw from people - because the people you shared good times with were nowhere to be found during the firestorm. It's easy to feel betrayed. But this is a repeating pattern across human history. It cannot be their fault. I simply look at people-behavior in a more simplistic way - they behaved that way because it's in their nature...through millions of years of genetic programming. I simply have to realign my expectation - to make it real instead of sentimental.
So, what about the people then who stepped forward? In the same way we all evolve to self-realization, these people have transcended that primordial programming and have acted with critical thinking and resolve. Again, it makes them a cut higher from the rest.
Benevolent universe - almost nightly, a good part of my meditation is a heart-to-heart talk with my universe, my guides and all the deities, sages, saints and seers. While I remain willing to stand my ground knowing I have done nothing wrong, I humble myself and ask for the following:
1) strength - to carry on
2) stamina - to go the distance
3) courage - to take the heat
4) wisdom - to make right decisions
5) tethered to my universe - so I don't feel alone fighting a lonely war
I would wake up in the middle of the night with an Aha Moment on my next move. As I fight the battle, I could feel my strength getting amplified (at some point, I asked myself if I was beginning to enjoy this). In a few of my unguarded moments, something gets triggered and I suddenly feel I wasn't in this alone - I knew I was being looked after. The exhilaration sometimes felt like riding the chariot of the Gods. Once again, I felt the power of the Big Bang behind me. I felt unstoppable.
Negotiating from a position of strength - if I am trapped into a corner, I would lash out and claw myself out regardless who gets hurt or how they get hurt. It's survival. That's when I'm dangerous where even I cannot control my instincts.
However, from a position of strength, when I know I have enough ammunition to destroy the enemy, I realized it was easier to be more tolerant and forgiving. Example? If I were a lethal martial arts expert and some dickhead makes fun of me, I can easily laugh it off and walk away not feeling chicken. Why? Because I know I could readily break every bone in his body - without proving it.
Equanimity within a firestorm - being in the middle of this firestorm when I was consumed by anger, the hardest thing to do was to observe this explosive outrage with a calm and equanimous mind. Despite the raging turbulence, I stayed yogic and took it as the perfect test for equanimity. I tried - sometimes I could contain it, sometimes I could not (especially when the nervous impulses become overwhelming). But I remained aware. This mindfulness kept emotions from running amok. My ice bath practice where I observe pain and suffering while the freezing water from 40 kgs of ice electrified my entire body, certainly helped a lot. It was a different kind of pain, but it was the same equanimous mind observing it.
Going Tantric with emotional outbursts - before this firestorm, I was going deep into the Tibetan Buddhist practice of Tantric Yoga(no, it's not a pretext for sex the way it's being adversely practiced today). Instead of remaining equanimous from craving and aversion, tantra intentionally capitalizes on these powerful instincts to accelerate self-realization. In my bandhas, I used my rage to generate more heat. I used my anger to boost my prana vayu to shoot into a white light up to my head. I was already milking this trauma for everything it could do for me.
Yoga Outside the Mat - lastly, I was aware the whole time that this unpleasant episode was an ideal opportunity to apply everything I know about yoga. Do I run away or fight back? Do I act out of anger or out of a sincere desire to end this in a speedy, peaceful and productive manner? Can I remain equanimous while my nerve impulses are shooting all over my body? Again, this is authentic yoga - crying on the mat and laughing in the battlefield. Yoga goes way beyond perfecting an Upward Dog.
Absence of Critical Thinking - I used to think that when you throw logic or truth into anything confusing or misunderstood by others, clarity and rational thinking will prevail. I'd been proven wrong most of the time. People generally follow:
a) what is comfortable to them - a good example is the rigged quiz show in the 1950s where the handsome and telegenic participant, Charles Van Doren kept winning - to the astonishment and awe of his charmed fan-base. It was later found out he was being given the answers in advance. When this was exposed, the public did not vilify Charles. They vilified the whistleblower. It was not comfortable to the adoring public to think that their beloved Charles was actually a cheat.
b) triggers from their trauma history - I realized that many people who seem 'normal' as they go about their daily lives, carry with them a trauma or pain that somehow left them damaged. This is not obvious. But when this is triggered, rational thinking is abandoned. If it means following a herd-mentality to find safety in numbers, then that's how it will be.
c) gossip mongers - even with some of my yoga friends who are self-admitted 'evolved', 'conscious' devotees of the spiritual path, default to gossip at some point in the conversation. They can't help it. I think gossip is somehow embedded in the human DNA - people generally default to this...perhaps with its roots in primordial times when it was an essential element to survival.
d) cognitive dissonance - as simple as the truth might seem, they can't see or comprehend it - it deviates too much from what they have accepted as truth.
e) karmic process - this is just me. Some people (or group of people) need to go through the process and learn it their way in their own time - not through some logic thrown at them by someone.
Apology and a Retraction Is it over? No. I could have ended it sooner, but without any apology and a public retraction for their unfounded allegations, I walked away from the peace talk. They have to be accountable.
A Message from the Universe Even before this firestorm, I already saw the writings on the wall. My Chiang Mai bubble-of-abundance was slowly disintegrating. Through no one's fault, I lost 2 of my best friends. I no longer felt the warmth of my benefactor-friend despite his continuing support - because I refused the vaccine? I don't know. My movie deal was rescinded due to a policy change. Yes, the paradise I architectured was crumbling.
This is a familiar pattern - a clear message from my benevolent universe that I should start packing up because Chiang Mai has already served its purpose and a new destination will soon be revealed. It didn't take long before that new destination became apparent.
Ending Thoughts The past 3 years in Chiang Mai is perhaps the best life I've ever had. I enjoyed a free stay in a boutique hotel with use of all its facilities - bakery, cafe, yoga space, etc. I practiced yoga every day, I invited friends over for coffee gatherings, Pizza Nites, nightly blues music, free movies, etc. But as good as it was, I knew nothing was permanent, and a time will come I will have to say goodbye. Awareness of impermanence allowed me to enjoy the moment without being attached. Now, I brace myself to what awaits as I prepare for a new chapter. Thank you Chiang Mai, thank you M.
Below is the link to the play-by-play on how I was maliciously smeared and how I fought back.
Shelby (Dec 11, 2021) Bravoooo! 👏👏👏
Svarupa Met-t-a Sangha (Dec 10, 2021) Great read! Congratulations on standing your ground - you just might have burned off some significant karma doing this 🙂 🙏
Suzi (Dec 3, 2021) Sorry this happened to you, but also so glad it happened to YOU and you've made the most of it ❤ 🙂
Mark Mark Ratcliff Photography (Nov 12, 2021) It's a terrible behavior and one which should be called out more often. Great words and I empathize with your situation. You sound stronger than most - I know that's not why you shared the story but it may help me if I need inspiration. It's more important than ever to stay strong during these times.
Fitness Trainer (Nov 9, 2021) Wow. That is a fantastic write up. This is the way we must deal with the madness that can manifest in the human realm. Well done that you were able to use this event and incorporate it into your practice. This is the way. Your write up is a very useful cheat-sheet for me as I make my way though these times. Bravo.
Thank you.
Yoga Teacher (Nov 8, 2021) I'm really glad you are doing well and feeling stronger. I really hope some of the bandwagon jumpers can see the error of their ways. I hope as many people as possible will see the grotesqueness of making someone a scapegoat for nothing. Hope to see you soon, friend. Big hug
Yoga Teacher (Nov 7, 2021) Very well written. I appreciate the way you’ve been able to draw strength from such a horrible experience. I suppose it’s like you said, a true test of your yoga and everything you practice.
(Oct 31, 2021) With tourism down, Chiang Mai's peoplescape fairly remained constant - not too many tourists and the remaining faces becoming more familiar. I lost 2 of my good friends and thought I lost a best friend. As if that wasn't bad enough, I was savagely attacked online by an angry mob over fabricated allegations that was manipulated by a vindictive group admin.....more »»
(Dec 18, 2021) Bashar gave a special gift from his world to ours - the sacred circuitry. It's a series of 15 glyphs representing states of being, that when meditated on the proper way, can rewire our brain neurons to realize that which we desire to be.....more »»
Chiang Mai INFORMATION
Chiang Mai Map
Chiang Mai, Thailand
IMPORTANT PLACES
Bus Station Train Station Chiang Mai International Airport Nong Buak Hard Park - free yoga classes daily
HOTEL
Arun Dara Villa - 7 exclusive rooms, 1 swimming pool for every room, grand opening
Nawa Sheeva Hotel - big rooms, high ceiling, salt-water pool, restaurant, cafe
Nawa Saraan Hotel - low density (4 spacious rooms), stone garden setting, Koi fish pond, Old City location
Arun Suite - 3 bedrooms in a 3-storie guesthouse within Old City, ideal for families
MOTORBIKE RENTAL
Tawan Bike - motorcycle rental | +66 91 635 2863 | Si Phum, Mueang Chiang Mai District, Chiang Mai 50200
Chiang Mai FYI / Tips
crop-burning season in Chiang Mai is between late Feb to early April. But laws change everytime. This year, 2019, there is a 61-day ban on burning so the farmers started burning early. When my plane was approaching Chiang Mai on Jan 24, 2019, there was already a thick blanket of smog covering the entire city (and beyond). But within the city itself, you won't feel it (but that doesn't mean the air is healthy). To monitor air conditions in real time, refer to site: Chiang Mai Air Pollution: Real-time Air Quality Index (AQI)
hot season begins March and lasts until June
wet season begins July and lasts until September
best time to visit Chiang Mai is mid-September to mid-February - after the monsoon and before the burning
you have to try Khao Soi, this is north Thailand's culinary staple
the tourist area where most of the hotels, restaurants, ticket offices, tour operators are, is located in the Old City
to exchange your dollars to Thai Baht, the Super Rich Money Exchange give the best rates. There are many branches scattered around Chiang Mai
get a red cab (songthao) outside the train station for Baht 50 (instead of paying B100 if inside the train station) to Old City - if you haggle nicely enough...I did!
shared red taxi (songthao) - B30 standard fare plying all over Old City
for only B50/day, best to rent a bike to go around the Old City - it's a 2.5km2 with lots to discover
FREE daily yoga classes from 9:00am to 10:15am at Nong Buak Hard Park (southwest corner of Old City). Resident and passing-through teachers take turns conducting yoga classes.
Blues/Jazz Bars in Chiang Mai
North Gate Jazz Coop - at Chang Phueg Gate, great Tuesday jam session, Blues on Sundays at 11pm by the Chiang Mai Blues band
Boy Blues Bar - at the Night Bazaar. Mondays at 9:30pm is open mic
My Secret Cafe - near Wat Phra Singh. Tuesdays at 7:30pm for the changing front-act and 9:00pm for the Panic Band
Taphae East - 88 Thapae Rd. (just north of Night Bazaar). Fridays at 9:30pm by Chiang Mai Blues Band
Chiang Mai Cost Index
B60 Chiang beer
B250 1 hour drop-in yoga session
B200 one hour Thai body massage at WAYA Massage(highly recommended)
B50 noodle soup with meat
B50 coffee
B40 pad thai
B30/kilo wash-only laundry
B50/kilo wash+iron laundry
B100-150 dorm bed/night
B250 fan room/night
B30 internet cafe/hour
B170-190 Movies Sat-Sun and public holidays
B130-150 Movies weekdays
B100 Movies Wednesdays (movie discount day)
B750 1/2 day Thai cooking lessons
B900-1000 1 full day Thai cooking lessons
B400 Muay Thai boxing ticket
B2500 starting room rate at the luxury hotel, Nawa Sheeva(highly recommended)
Transportation
B450 bus, Chiang Mai to Bangkok
B160-180 bus, Chiang Mai to Pai
B1250 bus, Chiang Mai to Luang Prabang
B1650 slow boat, Chiang Mai to Luang Prabang
B210 bus, Chiang Mai to Chiang Rai, 3-4 hours
B360 Green VIP bus, Chiang Mai to Mae Sai (Thai border town for visa run to Tachileik, Myanmar)
B50 bicycle rental, 24 hours
B200 motorbike rental, 24 hours
B273 #51 sleeping train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai
Book Online - direct booking with State Railway of Thailand. Best to register first. If going to BKK from CNX, click "Northern Line".
note -- big difference between booking direct with the State Railway and booking with an online 3rd party agent. 12GO was charging B1330 for the same trip that only cost me B941 with the State Railway.
note -- Oct 2022, I took the #10 Train from CNX to BKK, upper berth, 2nd class, a/c, sleeper, B941. The train was clean, fast, comfortable and modern. If you have heavy luggage that will cost more money in flight checkin, I would suggest this train. Otherwise, the flight now is so much cheaper it doesn't even make sense to take the bus or train.
Bangkok to Chiang Mai by Train from Bang Sue Train Station
10:22pm - #51 Train, arrive Chiang Mai 12:10pm, sleeper, 3rd class B270 (non sleeper), 2nd class B438, B728 upper deck, B798 lower deck
Loei to Chiang Mai by Bus
From Loei town center, take a tuk-tuk ride to the bus station, B30. There is only one bus station.
As of June 28, 2020 (still on Covid schedule), there are only 3 night trips: 8:30pm, 9:30pm and 12 midnight. 9 hours, B470.
The bus makes the following stops at the following times from a 9pm Loei departure: Phu Ruea (9:50pm), Phitsanulok (12:40am), Uttradit (2:20am), Lampang (4:35am)
Final bus stop is at the Red Bus Arcade, Chiang Mai, 9 hour-trip, arriving 6am (from 9pm Loei departure).
Take a red songthaew to Old City, B50. They'll try to charge you B100, but they'll take B50 (just assure the driver you won't tell the other passengers).
How to Get a 60-Day Thai Tourist Visa and then Extend by another 30 Days
This process is BEFORE Covid 19. Not sure what it is now.
60-Day Thai Tourist Visa
NOTE: There is no need to go back to your country to get the Thai tourist visa. Any major city with a Thai Embassy will do. Apparently there is also no need to have an invitation from a Thai establishment to justify the visa.
Bring the following to the Thai embassy:
a) proof of money (bank statement will suffice)
b) flight booking to Thailand
c) onward flight back to your country from Thailand
d) filled-in tourist visa form
e) 2 passport pictures
f) hotel booking in Thailand (they didn't ask me for this but better be safe)
g) passport with at least 6 months validity
After handing over all the documents, they will ask you to come pick your passport with the visa the following day from 4 to 5pm. That's it!
NOTE: after 2 successful attempts, I was already questioned the 3rd time.
30-Day Extension
NOTE: When your 60-day visa is close to expiry and you want to extend your stay. No need to leave Thailand.
bring the following to the Immigration Office:
a) passport (make sure your Tourist Visa hasn't expired yet)
b) Baht 1900
c) photocopy of your passport + visa duration date stamp + TM6 card (white immigration card) and sign all the copies
d) completed TM7 visa extension form (available at the Immigration Office)
e) one 4cmx6cm passport picture
submit the above to the Front Desk. They will give you a stub with your number on it. Take a seat and wait for your number to be called
when your number is called, your picture will be taken. Then go back to your seat. They will call you again.
when they call you again, they'll give you your passport with your extended visa. That's it!
when there are no lines, the whole process can take only 10 minutes
arrive early - in case there is a snag (visa snag, documentation snag, transport ticket snag, etc.), you will have ample time to troubleshoot the problem if you arrive early (to the airport, to the bus terminal, etc.)
put detailed itinerary on the Calendar apps of your smart-phone according to timelines - this is where you do all your thinking and planning. Once written down, you don't have to think anymore while you are on the journey...you just follow the steps. This frees your mind for something else that might happen while you are already en route
avoiding scams - as a general rule, I ignore the touts or anyone I don't know who call out to me. The calling comes in many forms - "Hi! Where are you from?", "Excuse me! Excuse me!", "Where are you going?". I don't look them in the eye and I remain non-verbal with them. If you reply to them, you just gave them an 'in' to hound you. In order not to look rude, I smile and wave the 'not interested' hand to them, without looking at them.
power bank - hand-carry your power bank. Do not check it in. You can be called in when you are already inside the plane to go all the way to the loading dock so you can personally remove the power bank...and chances are, you'll have to surrender it to them. And you might delay the plane departure!