Everything said here actually happened - either from my own experience or as relayed to me by the actual people who lived them.

-- TheLoneRider

Reasons to Get a Wife

(March 1, 2023) In a polite conversation I had with an elderly woman who owned the modest eatery I was eating at, she told me to get a wife. Surprisingly, she added some unexpected reasons why I should...more »»

Underwear Talk

(Nov 9, 2022) A laundry pick-up time conversation morphed into something more personal...more »»

Getting Lost on a Hike

(May 25, 2022) In a friendly coffee gathering at My Moka Coffee after the breathwork/icebath at Alt_Chiangmai, Tom was describing his awesome hike. Derrick was all ears when Tom said they got lost...more »»

Cuckoo

(Feb 16, 2022) While toasting to all the crazy cuckoos of the world, one teacher specified to whom we were toasting for. My jaw dropped and I rolled down laughing on the floor.....more »»

Tell John

(Feb 16, 2022) In an icebath event hosted by Biohacker Jason Ryer, Kevin was nearing his 7-minute threshold when Jason told him something about John (whoever John is).....more »»

Monk Chat

(Dec 10, 2021) Temples usually offer a 'monk chat' where lay people get to talk to monks. It gives the public an insight into monastic life and it also trains the monks to learn and practice English. Not one to ask mundane questions, I crossed the line asking relevant and compelling questions, but nonetheless, irreverent.....more »»

Just Bring 2 Chinese

(Oct 3, 2021) You have to see this video by US Senator Graham Allison about the way things are done in China, to fully appreciate this remar, 'just bring 2 Chinese'....more »»

Wrong Question to Ask This Crowd

(Aug 29, 2021) It was a friend's birthday celebration and in the gathering, while I was having a conversation with one of his guests, he interjected and pontificated condescendingly about the validity of my question. The problem was, he didn't even know what the question was.....more »»

Everybody's Only Friend

(Aug 13, 2021) It started off with a movie-casting persuasion from the neighbor. The rest was a funny verbal play.....more »»

Too Close for Friendship

(Aug 2, 2021) With an underlying attraction, too close a friendship is too close for comfort.....more »»

You Want to be Wonder Woman?

(Apr 8, 2021) My new hotelmate wanted me to teach her yoga. I asked her to give up 2 things to show she's serious. She kept negotiating. Finally, I told her something about being Wonder Woman that got her attention.....more »»

Heartbreak in every Song

(Jan 24, 2021) Talking about love life, I was telling NOK that as you age, you get more selective about having a partner and falling in love becomes fleeting and happens far in between. I didn't expect the retort she gave me.....more »»

Yoga Mat

(Dec 19, 2020) In an attempt to assuage a jealous boyfriend from having other thoughts about where his girlfriend was, I gave him a full play=by-play conveying full transparency of what happened. His reply was unexpected.....more »»

Facebook Friends

(Oct 1, 2020) I thought I was funny fantasing on a prank to a jealous boyfriend. When I came home, I realized the joke was on me.....more »»

Biggest Stone in his Shoe

(Sep 1, 2020) Boy and Girl are good friends, but Boy likes the Girl, and Girl already has a boyfriend. Boy and Boyfriend know each other and don't really like each other. Boy talks to Girl about her boyfriend.....more »»

Dad-Zoned

(Aug 18, 2020) Inside Tien Sieng Vegetarian Foods, a 27-year old farang (white foreigner) girl and her gray-haired Asian partner were cozy. The guy thought he knew what the others were thinking.....more »»

Public Display of Affection

(Aug 9, 2020) When the last of their friends alighted from the songthaew, the 27-year old farang girl wrapped her arms around her late 50s Asian boyfriend. Overhearing their conversation, apparently they were not on the same page.....more »»

Full-Body Ocular by the Immigration Officer in Mae Sot, Thailand

(Feb 5, 2020) Upon entering Thailand in Mae Sot, the immigration officer gave me a smile, looked at my passport, and then gave me a suspicious, scrutinizing look. She then stepped-out of her office to give me a full-body ocular. I got nervous.....more »»

Chaturanga

(Jan 10, 2020) It was full house at yoga in the park. With the teacher's clearly articulated cueing, we were on a meditative vinyasa until he uttered those famous lines that got me chuckling all the way to Savasana.....more »»

You Spooned Me

(Jan 3, 2020) I introduced myself to a lady in the park after the yoga class. She said, 'We've already met. You spooned me.'....more »»

Shut-Up!

(Dec 7, 2019) It was during Laughter Yoga, while in Savasana while the teacher was cueing her relaxation instructions when someone could be heard talking. What came out of her lips were too funny, I didn't have to fake my laugh.....more »»

Of Winos and Yogis

(Aug 26, 2019) An interesting conversation happened at Boy Blues Bar about winos and yogis....more »»

How Long was the Vietnam War?

(Nov 10, 2014) It was my first time in Vietnam and I was traveling with a Vietnamese friend. Casually, I asked how long the war was. Her answer blew me away.....more »»

"...yes...yes, but who owns the Lamborghini Countach? Ah...ok, but what about the Lamborghini Diablo? So both are here? No...no, I'm not interested in buying them. I'm already happy with my....more »»

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Things to do in Singapore
(Oct 20, 2013) a flirty conversation about things to do in Singapore....more »»


Zati is Zany
(July 5, 2013) After conducting a yoga class, I was invited to a sumptuous dinner with 4 lovely female yoginis. Tipsy after 3 bottles of wine, our gracious hostess continued to open up a 4th bottle.:
TheLoneRider: "(tipsy) Let's down this one in the name of yoga!"

The dinner conversation went on to scuba diving:
Hostess: "I have to ensure my eyebrow is made-up before I put on my mask"

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(Apr 5, 2013) I was having a business meeting with a hotel owner:
Hotel Owner: "Our location is less than ideal. Being right beside the public market, we get jeeps parked in front of the hotel and vendors peddling their wares. You haven't started your day yet and you're already high blood!"

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(Apr 4, 2013) I was in a bar with a lovely lady friend I was attracted to (and she knows it):
TheLoneRider: "I'm sure you get a million hits a day from guys. Maybe a marriage proposal every now and then. So how come you're not with any of them."
Attractive Lady: "I know too well what their intentions are."
TheLoneRider: "Ha-ha...what makes you think I don't want to sleep with you too?"

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(Dec 2012) I was in a conversation with a lady friend in GenSan over the subject of cosmetic surgery:
Lady Friend: "In this day and age, if you have the money, and you're still ugly, that's already your fault!"

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(Dec 2012) I was having a conversation with the head of Human Resources of a major tuna canning company in GenSan:
TheLoneRider: "You must have met all kinds in this job. At the end of the day, who makes it?"
HR Head: "I can categorically say there are only 4 types of people on this planet - the stupid lazy, the hard working stupid, the bright but lazy, and the hard working genius".
TheLoneRider: "So, the 'stupid lazy' gets sacked and the 'hard working genius' gets the promotion. But of the two left, who wins?"
HR Head: "I can only say the 'hard working stupid' is the hardest to deal with."
TheLoneRider: "Why is that?"
HR Head: "With good intentions, he works on everything because he is industrious. But he also ruins everything because he is stupid. We waste a lot of resources doing damage control. But we can't fire him, because he meant well. The culture won't allow us to fire him. So he stays and repeats the cycle all over again."

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(Dec 9, 2012) I was at a private party in GenSan (Pacquiao's hometown) on fight day as Pacman Manny Pacquiao was about to slug it out with Juan Manuel Marquez in Las Vegas. Bets were being made. But the bet rule relied on what round the fight ends regardless who wins:
Hostess: "(not knowing how the betting really works) So, with your betting system, you can end up winning the pot even if Pacquiao gets beaten up and loses?"
One of the Guests: "Well, yeah, that's right."
Hostess: "Aren't you guys fooling yourselves?"

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(May 2012) I was at the Uptown Laundromat in Cebu talking to a lovely but grumpy counter lady. I had to say it:
TheLoneRider: "Miss, you seem like you're angry about the world."
Grumpy Lady: " (upset) No I'm not. You're imagining things!"
TheLoneRider: "Too bad...because you're lovely specially with your loose hair and flashy red blouse. I'd like to see you wear that again."
Grumpy Lady: "(still upset) Hmmp!"
Feeling like I overstepped by bounds, I didn't say anymore. As I was leaving:
Grumpy Lady: "So?"
TheLoneRider: "Huh? So?"
Grumpy Lady: "So when are you coming back?"

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(Aug 2, 2012) An actual text exchange between two lovers
Background: Girl tells Boy that there is a shuttle service from the MRT station to Cebu Pac Terminal 3. This saves Boy a great deal of hardship. He is grateful.
Boy: "I'll give you a big kiss for that!"
Girl: "üOwayt.gv me my kis asap ha." (alright, give me my kiss asap, ok?)
Boy: "with tongue-action pa, dear."
Girl: "I demand mOre.."
Boy: "he-he, in that case, I'll take mega-doses of Vitamin C. Be prepared to see the ceiling for a looooong time."
Girl: "aba.......ü no comment. Pa hug nlng." (Huh? No comment. How about just a hug?)

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(July 2012) An actual exchange between two friends and how they became lovers. (as narrated by the Girl to TheLoneRider)
Background: Girl and Boy are having a friendly conversation in the Boy's room. It got late. Girl finds difficulty going home. Boy invites Girl to just sleep in the room. Boy promises to behave. Girl consents. They both lie down.
Boy: "Can I tell you something? I want to hug you."
Girl: (ponders on the question, then smiles)"Yes, we can. But only up to that, ok?"
Boy: "But of course!"
They cuddle and hug.
Boy: "It would really be nice to hug without the t-shirt. Let's?"
Girl: (ponders on the question, then smiles)"Yes, we can. But only up to that, ok?"
Boy: "But of course!"
They take their shirts off and continue hugging and cuddling.
Boy: "Denim jeans are rough. Can we take them off?"
Girl: (ponders on the question, then smiles)"Yes, we can. But only up to that, ok?"
Boy: "But of course!"
They take off their jeans....you know what happened next.

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Parklane Hotel Talk

(Jul 2, 2012) Snippet of a breakfast conversation with Robert Vecchioni (acupuncturist, jiu-jitsu practioner and yoga teacher) at Parklane Hotel...more »»

(Apr 23, 2012) A beauty queen, in a self-deprecating remark at KRI Restaurant in Dumaguete:
Beauty Queen: "I'm not really that smart"
TheLoneRider: (gullible and tactless) "Oh? ...good thing you have good looks."

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(Jan 15, 2012) Witnessing a fight between two teenagers in Coron, Palawan where Boy A is beating hard on Boy B. Boy B wasn't even hitting. He was just there standing up defiantly as Boy A kicks and punches him. Boy B breaks away for a moment and talks to one of this friends:
Boy B: "I will not hit him. It's beneath me. I cannot allow myself to beat him up. Pwede, you na lang? (you wanna do it for me?)"

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(July 2011) Boy and Girl are inside Boy's house, talking - they are just friends, but Girl really likes the guy. It got late. Girl can't go home as the last public transport is gone. Boy has no choice but to offer his room with just one bed. Girl accepts. Being in bed together, they ended up naked and hugging. As the Boy's dick is pressed against her vagina and the 'head' finds itself in, girl hesitates and asks:
Girl: "Are you courting me?"

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(June 2011) I was backpacking my way through the innermost reaches of Kalinga where I didn't see any tourist for the entire 2 weeks I was there. It was so isolated that to reach the villages would require a few hours hike into the mountains. I was talking to a local, curious of what else I could do to explore the place:
TheLoneRider: "Perhaps you can tell me more about this place. I'd like to see waterfalls, explore caves and hike to great views and drink natural spring water."
Kalinga local: (looking at me somehow strangely) "Oh? Me, I would like to see tall buildings, fast cars, and bright city lights."

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Nescafe vs. Kopiko
(May 2011) A lady friend who holds a high position at Nestles remarked:
"My company markets itself as a health company. It's not! When we drink coffee outside, we don't use our brand. We drink Kopiko."

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(Jan 2011) On the first 30 minutes with a client on a first time business meeting, it was pure business - ROI, diminishing returns, marketing campaign, etc. On the third hour of what's obviously a conversation that extended beyond its usual duration, it already went like this:

Client: "...so I was going out with this good looking guy who was intellectually challenged. I was thinking, if I end up with him, in our old age when sex is no longer high on the priority, what can we talk about?"
TheLoneRider: "Pardon my french, but you don't have to wait for old age. Immediately after ejaculation, sex is no longer a priority. If you can't find anything to talk about, you're screwed...(again, but in a bad way!)"

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(Sep 2010) Confided to me by a matriarch:
Matriarch: "My henchman has stolen much from me. But I don't kick him out of the property because he's such a good kid."
TheLoneRider: "Good kid?"
Matriarch: "Yes, he's very quiet. He doesn't say anything."

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(Aug 31, 2010) While talking about the environment with a guy I just met minutes before, he said (in an apparent show-off):
"The worst thing that ever happened on this planet are the environmentalists. I've invested in gold and gold can't be mined because of them."

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(Aug 25, 2010) Mel Bascon in a recent conversation about Bacolod at her coffee place, Bascon Café:
"Bacolod is black or white. Everything is based on sugar. If sugar harvest is good, then there's plenty for everyone. If sugar is bad, then there's doom and gloom."

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(July 23, 2010) While talking about the delicate preparation of Hototay Soup with a visiting Chinese balikbayan, she said:
"Let's cook this in Vancouver. There are so many mosquitos here in the Philippines."

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(Jul 7, 2010) I was in a conversation with a friend over a sticky issue:
Friend: "I know that to be a fact. I've read it."
TheLoneRider: "I've known it to be otherwise. I've lived it."

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(Mar 1, 2010) Alastair Duncan, a GIS specialist and expert in LIDAR mapping, during his workshop:
"The moment a map is made, it's already obsolete due to inaccuracies brought about by assumptions in its development, the passing of time, built-in errors...There is no such thing as a perfect map and you should be vigilant about taking any map as gospel."

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(Feb 11, 2010) While visiting St. Frances Cabrini Medical Center on a stopover from the Step Juan walkathon, the photographer taking pictures also gave us a tour of the facilities, talking about the state-of-the-art cancer equipment:
TheLoneRider: "I'm impressed. For a guy who takes pictures, you seem to know a whole lot about cancer."
Photographer: "Well, I'm also the Director of the Cancer Institute and Board Member of the Philippine Radiation Oncology Society. I'm Dr. Enrico Tangco by the way."

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(Jan 30, 2010) Remarked on a casual conversation with a movie buff:
"How I see the world is based on my life experience...or a movie I saw."

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(Jan 17, 2010) A thought bubble during a gathering of idealists:
"Hmmm...no one came on time. No one...and the guests-of-honor was a no-show."

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(Dec 18, 2009) Said by a Rey Agapay to a UPM member who walked up the stage:
"Ang pangit mo!"(You are ugly!)

Modern-Day Japanese and World War II

(Jun 17, 2004) I've always been curious about the Japanese. In modern times, they are perhaps the most civilized people on the planet. But just a few generations back, during WWII, they were the most brutal with their war crimes against humanity. Everything is there on the public record. How could a race be so civilized and be so barbaric at the same time? I had to ask my Japanese girlfriend.....more »»

A Powerful Lesson from the Car Mechanic

(July 29, 1970) My Dad found a brilliant car mechanic- he could diagnose a car trouble with uncanny skill and get it fixed. With such a find, my Dad thought about putting up a car repair shop and have the guy be the chief mechanic. But the mechanic did something that put a stop to all that. I learned a powerful lesson.....more »»

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