Everything said here actually happened - either from my own experience or as relayed to me by the actual people who lived them.
-- TheLoneRider
- The Cigarette Talk Sep 1, 2023
- Reasons to Get a Wife March 1, 2023
- Underwear Talk Nov 9, 2022
- Getting Lost on a Hike May 25, 2022
- The Kid with a Porsche Cayman Coupe Apr 1, 2022
- Cuckoo Feb 16, 2022
- Tell John Feb 16, 2022
- Monk Chat Dec 10, 2021
- Just Bring 2 Chinese Oct 3, 2021
- Wrong Question to Ask This Crowd Aug 29, 2021
- Everybody's Only Friend Aug 13, 2021
- Too Close for Friendship Aug 2, 2021
- You Want to be Wonder Woman? Apr 8, 2021
- Heartbreak in every Song Jan 24, 2021
- Yoga Mat Dec 19, 2020
- Facebook Friends Oct 1, 2020
- Biggest Stone in his Shoe Sep 1, 2020
- Dad-Zoned Aug 18, 2020
- Public Display of Affection Aug 9, 2020
- Full-Body Ocular by the Immigration Officer in Mae Sot, Thailand Feb 5, 2020
- Chaturanga Jan 10, 2020
- You Spooned Me Jan 3, 2020
- Shut-Up! Dec 7, 2019
- Of Winos and Yogis Aug 26, 2019
- How Long was the Vietnam War? Nov 10, 2014
- Parklane Hotel Talk Jul 2, 2012 (Apr 23, 2012) A beauty queen, in a self-deprecating remark at KRI Restaurant in Dumaguete:
- Modern-Day Japanese and World War II Jun 17, 2004
- A Powerful Lesson from the Car Mechanic July 29, 1970
There was a Bomb Explosion?
(Sep 30, 2016) Jin just arrived Davao all the way from Portugal on my invite for durian-to-death indulgence. While in Davao, I told her what just happened a few weeks back. She freaked!...more »»
Tired of Being Amazed
(May 24, 2015) a conversation about the succession of one good thing after another between 2 Vipassana meditators....more »»
Free English
(Apr 1, 2015) After a 2-hour session teaching English to a Vietnamese professional, having established the teaching schedule to be 90 minutes everyday for the next 2 weeks, my teaching assistant and translator told me something I didn't see coming....more »»
The Bill
(July 30, 2014) When the bill came for our drinks and meal, we both expressed surprise and shock!....more »»
Umbrella Monk
(Oct 1, 2014) Fresh from the Philippines and unaccustomed to seeing Buddhist monks, I noticed a monk with an umbrella walking on scandals on a hot sunny day as I was walking around Battambang with a Vietnamese traveler. I asked, 'Are they allowed to use an umbrella and scandals? I thought they walk barefeet? Didn't they take a vow of austerity?'....more »»
Father's Day Greeting
(June 15, 2014) A loving wife's heart-warming Father's Day greeting to the father of her kids....more »»
Idiot on a Jet Plane
(Feb 15, 2014) Said by an ex-pilot about rich folks who buy $27 million jets he used to sell...more »»
Human Neti Pot
(Oct 23, 2013) What will you do for love? The human neti pot....more »»
Car-Talk Cebu City Style
(Oct 22, 2013) A hotel owner in Cebu City talking on to a colleague from his phone:
Hotel Owner: "...yes...yes, but who owns the Lamborghini Countach? Ah...ok, but what about the Lamborghini Diablo? So both are here? No...no, I'm not interested in buying them. I'm already happy with my....more »»
Things to do in Singapore
(Oct 20, 2013) a flirty conversation about things to do in Singapore....more »»
Zati is Zany
(July 5, 2013) After conducting a yoga class, I was invited to a sumptuous dinner with 4 lovely female yoginis. Tipsy after 3 bottles of wine, our gracious hostess continued to open up a 4th bottle.:
TheLoneRider: "(tipsy) Let's down this one in the name of yoga!"
The dinner conversation went on to scuba diving:
Hostess: "I have to ensure my eyebrow is made-up before I put on my mask"
(Apr 5, 2013) I was having a business meeting with a hotel owner:
Hotel Owner: "Our location is less than ideal. Being right beside the public market, we get jeeps parked in front of the hotel and vendors peddling their wares. You haven't started your day yet and you're already high blood!"
(Apr 4, 2013) I was in a bar with a lovely lady friend I was attracted to (and she knows it):
TheLoneRider: "I'm sure you get a million hits a day from guys. Maybe a marriage proposal every now and then. So how come you're not with any of them."
Attractive Lady: "I know too well what their intentions are."
TheLoneRider: "Ha-ha...what makes you think I don't want to sleep with you too?"
(Dec 2012) I was in a conversation with a lady friend in GenSan over the subject of cosmetic surgery:
Lady Friend: "In this day and age, if you have the money, and you're still ugly, that's already your fault!"
(Dec 2012) I was having a conversation with the head of Human Resources of a major tuna canning company in GenSan:
TheLoneRider: "You must have met all kinds in this job. At the end of the day, who makes it?"
HR Head: "I can categorically say there are only 4 types of people on this planet - the stupid lazy, the hard working stupid, the bright but lazy, and the hard working genius".
TheLoneRider: "So, the 'stupid lazy' gets sacked and the 'hard working genius' gets the promotion. But of the two left, who wins?"
HR Head: "I can only say the 'hard working stupid' is the hardest to deal with."
TheLoneRider: "Why is that?"
HR Head: "With good intentions, he works on everything because he is industrious. But he also ruins everything because he is stupid. We waste a lot of resources doing damage control. But we can't fire him, because he meant well. The culture won't allow us to fire him. So he stays and repeats the cycle all over again."
(Dec 9, 2012) I was at a private party in GenSan (Pacquiao's hometown) on fight day as Pacman Manny Pacquiao was about to slug it out with Juan Manuel Marquez in Las Vegas. Bets were being made. But the bet rule relied on what round the fight ends regardless who wins:
Hostess: "(not knowing how the betting really works) So, with your betting system, you can end up winning the pot even if Pacquiao gets beaten up and loses?"
One of the Guests: "Well, yeah, that's right."
Hostess: "Aren't you guys fooling yourselves?"
(May 2012) I was at the Uptown Laundromat in Cebu talking to a lovely but grumpy counter lady. I had to say it:
TheLoneRider: "Miss, you seem like you're angry about the world."
Grumpy Lady: " (upset) No I'm not. You're imagining things!"
TheLoneRider: "Too bad...because you're lovely specially with your loose hair and flashy red blouse. I'd like to see you wear that again."
Grumpy Lady: "(still upset) Hmmp!"
Feeling like I overstepped by bounds, I didn't say anymore. As I was leaving:
Grumpy Lady: "So?"
TheLoneRider: "Huh? So?"
Grumpy Lady: "So when are you coming back?"
(Aug 2, 2012) An actual text exchange between two lovers
Background: Girl tells Boy that there is a shuttle service from the MRT station to Cebu Pac Terminal 3. This saves Boy a great deal of hardship. He is grateful.
Boy: "I'll give you a big kiss for that!"
Girl: "üOwayt.gv me my kis asap ha." (alright, give me my kiss asap, ok?)
Boy: "with tongue-action pa, dear."
Girl: "I demand mOre.."
Boy: "he-he, in that case, I'll take mega-doses of Vitamin C. Be prepared to see the ceiling for a looooong time."
Girl: "aba.......ü no comment. Pa hug nlng." (Huh? No comment. How about just a hug?)
(July 2012) An actual exchange between two friends and how they became lovers. (as narrated by the Girl to TheLoneRider)
Background: Girl and Boy are having a friendly conversation in the Boy's room. It got late. Girl finds difficulty going home. Boy invites Girl to just sleep in the room. Boy promises to behave. Girl consents. They both lie down.
Boy: "Can I tell you something? I want to hug you."
Girl: (ponders on the question, then smiles)"Yes, we can. But only up to that, ok?"
Boy: "But of course!"
They cuddle and hug.
Boy: "It would really be nice to hug without the t-shirt. Let's?"
Girl: (ponders on the question, then smiles)"Yes, we can. But only up to that, ok?"
Boy: "But of course!"
They take their shirts off and continue hugging and cuddling.
Boy: "Denim jeans are rough. Can we take them off?"
Girl: (ponders on the question, then smiles)"Yes, we can. But only up to that, ok?"
Boy: "But of course!"
They take off their jeans....you know what happened next.
Beauty Queen: "I'm not really that smart"
TheLoneRider: (gullible and tactless) "Oh? ...good thing you have good looks."
(Jan 15, 2012) Witnessing a fight between two teenagers in Coron, Palawan where Boy A is beating hard on Boy B. Boy B wasn't even hitting. He was just there standing up defiantly as Boy A kicks and punches him. Boy B breaks away for a moment and talks to one of this friends:Boy B: "I will not hit him. It's beneath me. I cannot allow myself to beat him up. Pwede, you na lang? (you wanna do it for me?)"
(July 2011) Boy and Girl are inside Boy's house, talking - they are just friends, but Girl really likes the guy. It got late. Girl can't go home as the last public transport is gone. Boy has no choice but to offer his room with just one bed. Girl accepts. Being in bed together, they ended up naked and hugging. As the Boy's dick is pressed against her vagina and the 'head' finds itself in, girl hesitates and asks:
Girl: "Are you courting me?"
(June 2011) I was backpacking my way through the innermost reaches of Kalinga where I didn't see any tourist for the entire 2 weeks I was there. It was so isolated that to reach the villages would require a few hours hike into the mountains. I was talking to a local, curious of what else I could do to explore the place:TheLoneRider: "Perhaps you can tell me more about this place. I'd like to see waterfalls, explore caves and hike to great views and drink natural spring water."
Kalinga local: (looking at me somehow strangely) "Oh? Me, I would like to see tall buildings, fast cars, and bright city lights."
Nescafe vs. Kopiko(May 2011) A lady friend who holds a high position at Nestles remarked:
"My company markets itself as a health company. It's not! When we drink coffee outside, we don't use our brand. We drink Kopiko."
(Jan 2011) On the first 30 minutes with a client on a first time business meeting, it was pure business - ROI, diminishing returns, marketing campaign, etc. On the third hour of what's obviously a conversation that extended beyond its usual duration, it already went like this:
Client: "...so I was going out with this good looking guy who was intellectually challenged. I was thinking, if I end up with him, in our old age when sex is no longer high on the priority, what can we talk about?"
TheLoneRider: "Pardon my french, but you don't have to wait for old age. Immediately after ejaculation, sex is no longer a priority. If you can't find anything to talk about, you're screwed...(again, but in a bad way!)"
(Sep 2010) Confided to me by a matriarch:
Matriarch: "My henchman has stolen much from me. But I don't kick him out of the property because he's such a good kid."
TheLoneRider: "Good kid?"
Matriarch: "Yes, he's very quiet. He doesn't say anything."
(Aug 31, 2010) While talking about the environment with a guy I just met minutes before, he said (in an apparent show-off):
"The worst thing that ever happened on this planet are the environmentalists. I've invested in gold and gold can't be mined because of them."
(Aug 25, 2010) Mel Bascon in a recent conversation about Bacolod at her coffee place, Bascon Café:"Bacolod is black or white. Everything is based on sugar. If sugar harvest is good, then there's plenty for everyone. If sugar is bad, then there's doom and gloom."
(July 23, 2010) While talking about the delicate preparation of Hototay Soup with a visiting Chinese balikbayan, she said:
"Let's cook this in Vancouver. There are so many mosquitos here in the Philippines."
(Jul 7, 2010) I was in a conversation with a friend over a sticky issue:
Friend: "I know that to be a fact. I've read it."
TheLoneRider: "I've known it to be otherwise. I've lived it."
(Mar 1, 2010) Alastair Duncan, a GIS specialist and expert in LIDAR mapping, during his workshop:"The moment a map is made, it's already obsolete due to inaccuracies brought about by assumptions in its development, the passing of time, built-in errors...There is no such thing as a perfect map and you should be vigilant about taking any map as gospel."
(Feb 11, 2010) While visiting St. Frances Cabrini Medical Center on a stopover from the Step Juan walkathon, the photographer taking pictures also gave us a tour of the facilities, talking about the state-of-the-art cancer equipment:
TheLoneRider: "I'm impressed. For a guy who takes pictures, you seem to know a whole lot about cancer."
Photographer: "Well, I'm also the Director of the Cancer Institute and Board Member of the Philippine Radiation Oncology Society. I'm Dr. Enrico Tangco by the way."
(Jan 30, 2010) Remarked on a casual conversation with a movie buff:
"How I see the world is based on my life experience...or a movie I saw."
(Jan 17, 2010) A thought bubble during a gathering of idealists:
"Hmmm...no one came on time. No one...and the guests-of-honor was a no-show."
(Dec 18, 2009) Said by a Rey Agapay to a UPM member who walked up the stage:
"Ang pangit mo!"(You are ugly!)
(Dec 18, 2009) Said by a Jerry in a UPM party:
"Oo na, malakas ka nga, pero, masaya ka bang kasama?"(yeah, you're strong, but are you fun to be with?)
(Dec 4, 2009) Said by a meditator in a restaurant:
"I used to envision my millions through hard work. Nowadays, I just meditate on it."
(Nov 30, 2009) Heard from an invitee at an art openning:
"We just met. Since we have no other basis for a friendship, savoring her cooking is the only available means to develop this friendship."
(Nov 22, 2009) Said in a clandestine meeting of activists:
"My secret handle is The Unicorn. My email address is herminilio_sapungan@yahoo.com."
(Nov 22, 2009) Discussed in a clandestine meeting of activists against a fractional monetary-based economy:
Guy A: "Cosmic Blaze cannot make it to the gathering. His mother didn't allow him."
Guy B: "Why? She's afraid he'll be shot?"
TheLoneRider: "By whom?"
Charlene Tan: "By a Swiss banker!"
(Nov 21, 2009) My disgruntled remark after being bumped off a Chinese wedding:
"Lauriat is my metaphor for everything Chinese I'm excluded from."
(Nov 19, 2009) Overheard after the guy bombed on his party joke:
"I pity those who don't get my humor."
(Nov 18, 2009) Said by a chicken taster in a fried chicken tasting shoot-out:
"...sa larangan ng pride chicken, ikaw ay katangi-tangi." (in the realm of pride (not fried) chicken, you stand alone)
(Oct 2009) Confidently uttered by an SM executive at a dinner table:
"Trinoma is the best thing that ever happened to SM North. Now, our shoppers have a more convenient passage."
(Sep 3, 2009) Overheard:
"I need my 10 million to appreciate my poverty!"
(Aug 31, 2009) Told to me by an affluent girlfriend:
"You have to keep in mind, I'm a by-product of A/B market folks." (read: Hoy! Anak mayaman ako!)
(July 2009) I was in a looping argument with a friend who's known for her smarts. Frustrated, her final retort was....
"I'm smarter than you!"
(July 2009) I was looking at my beautiful girlfriend (now my ex):
"My dear, from the waist up, you look like a lanky school boy. But from the waist down, you're all woman!"
(June 2009) A conversation with a girlfriend.
Girlfriend: "I don't usually workout...hardly."
TheLoneRider: "You mean, the only thing propping you up is youth?"
(June 2009) The same girlfriend.
Girlfriend: "Would you consider marriage at some point?"
TheLoneRider: "Darling, I'm not even sure we'll last one more week."
(Jan 2008) Me and Greg (an Australian) were walking our mountain bikes through Besao Poblacion, a remote village in the Mountain Province, 13 hours away by bus from Manila. Everyone was looking at us. Greg: "(whispering) I guess they're not used to seeing tourists around here."
TheLoneRider: "I don't know, Greg. I think it's because we're 2 guys in Spandex."
(Sep 9, 2007) Said by Tana Madrigal in a conversation about spirituality:
"I'd been teaching yoga for over 10 years now. I realized that unless I devote myself in the service of others, all this asanas and pranayamas are nothing but ego."
Mammary Gland Conversation (from: Sahar's Yoga Party)
(Apr 17, 2004) At a yoga workshop in Toronto, I bumped into into a lovely chic I party-ed with the night before. The party was attended by ravers and Burners (people who have attended Burning Man). Naturally, there was a lot of self-expression that took place - hug-fest, wine-kissing, and touching. As we were reminiscing about last night's bliss, she remarked:
Lovely Raver: "...from last night's party, I think you were the only who didn't have his hands on my breast"
TheLoneRider: "(surprised) Excuse me? My hands were all over your breast last night!"
We both looked at each other and simultaneously burst into laughter.
My Dad grew up with the boyz in the school of hard knucks (knuckle-fisted neighborhoods). Well travelled within the Philippines, he developed friends, drinking buddies, associates in every place he moved to. In his prime, guys wanted to buy him beer and women wanted to sleep with him. He was at his best in the company of people. In a rare unguarded moment, he said to me:
(many many years ago) "You know what son, if you go through life with one true friend, you're lucky."
(1988) Coy Uy, a friend working for Prudential Bache as an investment banker took me to a tour of his office in New York's Wall Street.
Coy Uy: "Here's my office. But you see that other office across? It'll take me 2 years to get there. And that other office with the corner window? It'll take me 3 more years to occupy that."
TheLoneRider: "I guess you really have to be brilliant to get to that corner office."
Coy Uy: "Actually, that starts at my level."
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