Donation Bank

(if this doesn't make sense to you, as it did to me, please scroll down to Background Story)

Greetings dear ones and welcome to the Donation Bank page.

I make this pledge about your donation:

1. survival as a nomad - it will be used for my survival on the open road (you won't see me gambling this money away)
2. instrument for the greater good - I come across compelling situations and I will use this money for the greater good as I see fit
3. no excess - I will continue to live in austerity. I will still get my broken shoes repaired, glued and stitched until it falls apart before I buy a new pair.

You don't have to, and I am not asking you. But if you wish to donate, I already know it comes from the heart. I am humbled by your generosity and I cannot be more grateful. You have my love, my gratitude and my merits.

Click on your donation preference

Background Story

Donation Bank? What for? You are strong and healthy!
Exactly my thoughts for the last 6 years I'd been on the open road. I was firmly against that. But just today (Oct 14, 2018), I came to terms about a pressing realization. But first, a backgrounder to those unfamiliar to my story:

Life on the Open Road
I'd been traveling on the open road with no home and very little money in the last 6 years and despite frequent cliff-hangers (e.g. - running out of money in Singapore), I've never really slept on a side walk or missed a meal. My universe has consistently, without fail, looked after my well-being. But it always comes to the rescue in the last minute! It's a tough life, but it's also an exciting life. For a guy always hanging off the edge, I still get to live a life of travel, eat mouth-watering Asian street food, and meet magnificent lives. Not bad, right?

Aversion to Money?
Despite living life so close to the edge, I've never relied nor accepted any donation, despite numerous offers. I've lost count of all those generous and well-meaning offers. To the extent I accept money, it is on assurance I receive it as a loan - and I lose sleep until I pay it all back. Money? I don't know. I've always had this ambivalence about money. I think I even have a pathological aversion to money (I gave away land I inherited, refused a future inheritance for a house and lot, returned to my Dad the money he gave me as a wedding gift for a house in Canada, and many others). Why? I've always maintained that less is more. That I didn't want anything beyond my meager needs. If I can subsist on P1000, why would I desire more than that? I found it bliss to only own what fits into my back pack and be happy with whatever food I can find on the streets. The universe has always provided anyway despite the cliff-hangers.

The Bangkok Low
But as late as July 2018 in Bangkok, when funds got as low as $2.50 (2 meals away from starving), I came to terms with my recurring situation. Even if my universe provides, it was driving me insane. I couldn't stop my mind from racing 24/7 about my survival. It exhausted me. So I talked to my universe (in a language we can both communicate with), that I no longer want this life of a renunciate. I will accept abundance now no matter how huge. I will no longer refuse the blessings. I speculated I'd have more and bigger deals - the spectre of donation never entered my mind.

Remaining on the Edge
It never got worse after that but I remained close to the edge - arriving Yangon with $50, arriving now in Bangkok with $85. In the meantime, I was already in the red with my online flight purchases. The meaningful abundance has not come. I even speculated that perhaps there was no abundance - that this is my karmic destiny...life on the edge.

Abundance from a Distant Past
Now, let's fast-forward to Oct. 14. From out of nowhere, I received a message from a friend from a distant past. We were not particularly close but there was fondness and admiration. What she said was particularly surprising. Without mentioning names or giving clues, here's now it went:

FRIEND: I have been following your way of life and admire it. However, I would like to send you some money to make it easier for a while.

ME: I am moved by your generosity my dear. Thank you. I am grateful for the gesture. But my poverty is by choice. My universe hasn't let me sleep on the sidewalk in the 6 years I had been doing this. But if I am already on my third day of hunger and nothing is still on the horizon, I will remember your generous offer. Mwah !!!

FRIEND: I know that it is your choice but this should not keep you from accepting gifts from old friends once in a while?

ME: You are too kind.
(at the back of my mind, I could hear my universe telling me, "you ask for abundance and I give you abundance. And you say NO? Are you fucking with me?" I was jolted.)

FRIEND: Remember, the one that gives gifts receives often more happiness than the one that receives the Gift! You are taking the pleasure of giving to you away from me 🙂 Think about it. There is nothing wrong in receiving gifts and accepting generosity.

ME: (recovering from the jolt) Those are wise words. Sometimes I have to be reminded to keep my ego in check. Yes dear, I accept your kindness with love and gratitude.

FRIEND: I think you deserve a little abundance (and know how to appreciate it) more than anyone I know personally. I don't often follow Facebook, but I did come across your posts a few times, and found them inspiring and heartfelt. Enjoy a little abundance. It can be nice to not worry about money for a while.

ME: thank you...love you dear ❤

Arrogance and the Runaway Ego
She was right - nothing wrong with accepting kindness when offered. I knew it all along but I was too arrogant with my runaway ego. Sure, I would never ask for a donation. But if an unsolicited and heart-felt donation is offered with clearly no strings attached, it really is arrogant to say no, no matter how gracefully it has been declined - specially after having asked my universe for abundance to begin with. It is arrogance to be choosy with abundance. I should just be accepting for what has been put on the table.

I should let people in. I remember what my ex-wife told me shortly after we separated, "you never let me make you a cup of coffee. You would be polite in saying 'thank you but I can manage'. You never let me feel needed." It still stings whenever I think about that episode. I am quick to give kindness. Why can't I be equally as open in receiving it?

Giving
To loved ones and sometimes to complete strangers, I give what I can if what I have is beyond basic or current need - a pair of slippers to someone who broke theirs on a hike, a lavish hotel room across the miles, dental treatment from a barter deal, etc. The pleasure I get from giving far exceeds the convenience the recipient gets. Why should I deny that pleasure to loved ones or friends who only wish to share what they have? Giving and receiving are energies that need to flow spontaneously until it permeates. What bliss when that happens!

Funding Mechanism
When another well-meaning friend suggested I put up a mechanism in place for a donation, I rationalized that if I want security in life, I will just go back to the default world and be a university teacher again. But since I chose this life, then I have to grit it. Yeah, right! Who am I kidding? What a clever pretext! If I am asking the universe for abundance but refuse it when given, then I should just shut-up and go back to teach - instead of whining about cliff hangers. But no, I cannot go back to teach in the default world. I can't put the genie back in the bottle. Or putting it another way, this tortoise can no longer fit into his old shell. Once you taste this life, you'll never go back to the 10x10 cubicle with the monthly paycheck.

So what to do? To be humble, stop playing clever mind-games with myself and put up a funding mechanism to allow well-meaning friends to donate if they wish to. Thus this Donation Bank.

Endng Thoughts
The universe is indeed clever. It never gave me anything for free - it's tough love (eg - in order for me to get a refund on a paid flight, I had to sleep on the airport for 29 hours and go through hell with Spice Jet). I see my universe as a kind of entity with a distinct personality - kind and giving, but you have to earn it somehow. This time around, it dangled abundance by having me swallow my ego. To expose my vulnerabilty. To let me face my fear. I benefit both ways.

To anyone who makes a donation, I cannot be more grateful. Perhaps we are karmically entangled. You have my love, my gratitude and my merits.

--- TheLoneRider
YOGA by Gigit | Learn English | Travel like a Nomad | Donation Bank

Reader Comments:

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