Fork on the Road:
Abundance or Poverty by Choice?

Location: Bangkok, Thailand

Nomadic Existence as a Renunciate
I had been hovering above the poverty line by choice since I came back to the Philippines in 2004. I left the corporate world, even chose to become homeless the past 6 years, and have lived life on the open road of Asia not knowing where the next money comes from. This nomadic existence as a renunciate (spiritual seeker who renounces material wealth and lives life as a minimalist) has taken me to the proverbial waterfalls, allowed me to meet magnificent lives and put me in the right place at the right time where I needed to be - it's like having an unseen hand blazing a path for me. I have long maintained that there is a thin line slightly above the poverty level where this magic happens - and I make a conscious effort to stay within that thin line...until now.

a life of abundance or a life of poverty by choice?

Nerves of Steal
This is by far not an easy life - certainly not for everyone. I could be in a new country, not knowing anyone, not familiar with the place, language, culture or its people, or the God they worship, no place to stay yet, and I only have a few dollars in my pocket - just enough for a few days. This can be nerve-racking for most people if it ever happens to them. But imagine this being an occasional norm rather than the exception - this has been my life for over a decade now. It has been exciting to say the least - a white-knuckle roller coaster ride with no safety net underneath.

A Benevolent Universe
The abundance may or may not be there, but I've never skipped a meal and I've never slept on the sidewalk (well, once I did, but it was my choice). I am fully assured by my benevolent universe that the power of the Big Bang is behind me. It has proven true time and time again, consistently without fail - it will never let me starve at the very least. If living on my wits is wrong, I would have died on a sidewalk a long time ago. But I am well, healthy, vibrant and on top of my game. That is my validation.

Due-Diligence
Even though I have that assurance, I still have to do my due-diligence to make the magic happen. Or at least make the due-effort. And I always do - I'm not complaining about that. I've knocked on doors, pounded the pavement, sent out marketing pitches, pursued leads, talked to establishment owners, etc. So, what's the problem?

Exhausted Mind
Still, I am human. I cannot help it if my mind races at light speed 24/7...and it doesn't stop looking for ways to pull me out of my financial predicament. It is exhausting! I am already tired. Even during my stay in India a month ago, my mind was already racing due to diminishing cash flow - and it hasn't stopped as I write this. What's it like? It's like a deer being chased by a lion for a month without stop! My mind is working overdrive. I can't make it stop even though I know my universe is always behind me and would never allow anything bad to happen to me. I'm exhausted.

Marginal Gains
Marginal gains have happened along the way. This already tells me I haven't been abandoned by my universe. But it's just enough for my very immediate needs.

1. To fly out of India, a project landed on my lap - that paid for the air fare at the last minute.
2. Here in Bangkok, my barter deal for lodging has been accepted - so now, I don't have to worry about a roof over my head.
3. My last few meals were treats from friends (although I asked them that it be my treat to be paid back when I can). Love you, Eunice...I feel your nurturing kindness.
4. Mike, a good buddy from Chiang Mai, offered to host me for 2 weeks in his hotel. Whoa! What a guy! This assures a continuous roof over my head after my stay in Bangkok.

So it's not so bad - I haven't starved nor slept on the sidewalk yet. But my cash is still precariously low and my racing mind is heating up. This is the harshest prank my universe has pulled over me...pushing me all the way to the brink. This is seriously taxing my sanity as my mind would not stop racing.

Now on the edge of my seat, I am seriously exhausted. I have to do something I thought I would never do - make a choice: RED PILL or BLUE PILL.

RED PILL or BLUE PILL?
If you've seen the MATRIX MOVIE, red pill means you take the chance and jump into the unknown and blue pill means you stay where you are. In all these years, I have always been given that choice:

1. RED PILL - a life of abundance (perhaps even extreme abundance) where I would never have to worry about money again
2. BLUE PILL - continue my life as a renunciate not knowing when or where I make my next money but I stay on the thin line

The choice has always been mine. And I am supremely confident my universe will provide what I ask. Everything I asked for in life has already been given to me. There is no doubt in my mind that whichever way I choose, the choice will be realized. And I have always chosen the life of a renunciate - surviving on my wits and staying on that thin line where magic happens. After all, I still live a very privileged life to be traveling this much, meeting magnificent lives with practically loose change in my pocket. How many rich people can wake up and do exactly what excites them at the moment? How many of them can enjoy the freedom to do what they want to do, go where they want to go and be what they want to be? Not too many.

RED PILL: Abundance
On this occasion however, after a lot of deliberation, feeling exhausted and worn-out, I finally decided to take the RED PILL. I can now be ok with it. Whatever purpose being a renunciate serves, has already been served - whether I see it or not. There is nothing left to prove by not knowing when or where the next meal comes from. So calmly, with an equanimous mind, I allowed my universe to bring on the abundance...as much as it wants...and I will no longer offer resistance. I welcome abundance now with open arms. Let it come...let the deluge come...let it come now.

Intention
How does this change the way I do things? Will I work harder? No. I can't work any harder than what I'm doing already. Will I work differently? No. I am already optimized into whatever I am doing.

The only thing that changes is the INTENTION. Intention changes everything. Intention changes how things are done behind the scenes and consequently changes the outcome.

Whereas before, I would work as hard as I can with the intention that I get as little as I can to stay on the thin line. Now, given this change, I will still work as hard as I can but with the intention of receiving as much abundance coming my way with full gratitude. That's it. Just the intention - and all is coming. This is the kind of relationship I have with my universe - hard to comprehend, I know. But that's how it works for me.

Ending Thoughts
Already after taking such a life-changing direction, changes started happening.

1. I was able to find a buyer for my remaining Bitcoin Cash (a spillover from the Bitcoin fork). With meager spending, this buys me 2 more weeks in Bangkok. By the time I received it, I was down to my last Baht 80 - enough for 2 meals! When I received the money, it was an immediate sigh of relief. It felt like the hungry lion chasing after me for a full month finally stopped on its tracks. Now I can rest for a while. Being this close to the edge is not the first time it happened - I ran out of money in Singapore and I ran out of money in Davao. But my mind wasn't racing this intensely...just this episode.
2. With transport money now available, I confirmed to Mike my coming to Chiang Mai. I feel strongly that Mike and Eunice are part of my karmic process and things will begin to unravel in Chiang Mai. Why Chiang Mai? Because Chiang Mai was never on my radar but it was presented twice - once when lodging was offered, and the 2nd time when my Bitcoin Cash was purchased to ensure my coming. Again, that's how my universe talks to me. I recognize the language all too well by now.
3. After years of not talking to my Dad, I just reached out to him. I just learned that his close friend, Tony Halili (whom I affectionately call Tito Pidot), the mayor of Tanauan, Batangas, was shot dead by a sniper last July 2 - it was even caught on video. He must be devastated. They had been close buddies through thick and thin from my earliest memories as a kid. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with my chosen abundance but the timing is uncanny. Perhaps healing needs to happen first before abundance takes place.

Somehow, at the back of my mind, I speculate that my universe has been wanting me to take the RED PILL for a long time since. What I had been calling a prank by my universe may not be a prank but a strong message to change direction already. I've just been stubborn, too attached to my romanticized notion of life on the edge.

This also brings to mind what an Ananda Marga Dada (a monk) saw on my palms many years ago. It didn't make sense to me then, but he said I will come upon abundance...not just abundance but extreme abundance. I rejected the notion then. Now I welcome it. Abundance gives me leverage to do all the positive things I had been wanting to do - realize my CubbyHole, establish a Vipassana Center, and be an instrument of good from a position of power and strength.

This starts a new chapter in my life. Perhaps all these years of life on the open road was a preparation for this new mandate.

--- TheLoneRider
YOGA by Gigit | Learn English | Travel like a Nomad | Donation Bank

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