Country > Philippines > Negros Oriental > Dumaguete
Date > 2011 > November
Activity > Lucid Thoughts

November 25, 2011

Radical Honesty

Location : Dumaguete, Negros Oriental, Philippines

Lie to Me
A friend suggested I watch the tv series, Lie to Me. It's about a guy who spent many years in the jungle with indigenous tribes and learned their system of telling if the other person is lying by looking at the other person's body language - facial expression, hesitation, muscle tension, etc. With that skill, he solves crimes and mysteries in the urban jungle, working with state and federal agencies. I absolutely loved it. Even before that, I was already a big fan of Tim Roth. I think he's one the best character actors around. But after seeing season 1, the lingering thought I had was Eli Loker's character.

Eli Loker
What makes his character unique and interesting is that he speaks his mind even if he appears rude, and calls it radical honesty - he simply will not lie. Of course, we all appreciate honesty, but how would you react if he tells you your armpit smells like fermented vinegar? or if he tells you you're a mindless dork for doing a stupid thing? Getz? It was funny and interesting on screen.

Radical honesty is being truthful. But truth hurts

Dr. Brad Blanton
I did some research on Loker's character and stumbled upon the precepts of Radical Honesty - yes, there is such a pre-existing concept. Apparently, Loker's character wasn't the first. This technique was first developed by Dr. Brad Blanton on the assumption that lying is one of the root causes of human stress. If we all decide to be radically honest, we create an intimacy that borders on Utopian because of its uncanny transparency. Often times, we weave white lies to spare the other's person's feelings. Not with radical honesty.

Real World Fit
But I wonder... How would it fit in the real world? Or can it only exist in Hollywoood? Has it been done? Would it result in broken relationships or relations fortified with acerbic truth?

Personal Subscription
Personally, I subsribe to the concept and in fact have practised it to a subtle level - not exactly what you would call radical. I've told a group mate that of all the people in the workshop, he was the only one I didn't resonate with. I also told an ex-girlfriend that I was breaking up with her because I wanted to stay in the here-and-now without cheating on her (my cheating days are over). Contrary to popular culture, I told a friend that if he's 10 minutes late, I would leave and make my own plans - I somehow never received another invite after that.

But yes, being radically honest is very difficult. But once said, you feel extremely light...as though a heavy cross was lifted off your shoulder - a liberating feeling that's worth walking away from a few relationships rooted in co-dependency or one with a low ceiling.

An Arrangement
I broached this concept with the same friend who suggested I see Lie to Me. Not surprisingly perhaps, she suggested we be on a radical honesty basis. I welcomed that. And as a first salvo on radical honesty, I told her our friendship was ideal for such an experimental undertaking. Why? Because our friendship was expendable. If this experiment boomerangs back, no one would be losing a best friend. We both smiled at that remark. Yeah, we're both on the same page and it's a promising start.

A Share
Ok, if you've practised radical honesty with anyone, how about sharing? Was it discussed first? Are you guys still talking?

The Challenge
In this local culture where confrontation is avoided and saying 'no' is expressed in a long-winded beating-the-bush kind of apologetic way, how would radical honesty fare? Are you as curious as I am about this? Are you up to it? Want to give it a try with me? Let's see where this takes us - better friends? ex-friends? unfriended friend? unliked friend? enemies? People I deal with on a day-to-day basis (neighbors, housemates, etc.) are not eligible! LOL!!!

--- Gigit (TheLoneRider)
YOGA by Gigit | Learn English | Travel like a Nomad | Donation Bank

- hotel

Hotel Essencia - 9-storie hotel in the heart of Dumaguete
39 Real St., Corner San Juan St., Dumaguete City - 09°18'32.1"N 123°18'20.3"E

scuba diving

Mario Scuba Diving and Homestay - homestay in Apo Island, scuba diving, restaurant
Apo Island - 09°04'40.08"N 123°16'09.19"E
Dumaguete Divers - scuba diving in Apo Island, resto / cafe, accommodation
Dauin - 9°11'18.6"N 123°15'54.3"E

cafe

Arteasan Handcrafted Beverages - coffee, tea, milk tea, frappes, waffles, sandwiches
79 San Juan St., Dumaguete City - 9°18'33.0"N 123°18'21.0"E

Dumaguete >> Cebu City by bus/boat

Dumaguete to Cebu City route is done by bus and boat. Ceres bus leaves almost every hour from the Ceres Terminal bound for Cebu City. It goes to Tampi and boards a roro until it reaches Bato, Cebu. From there, it resumes its land travel until Cebu City. xxxx hours, PHP xxx.

Dumaguete >> Siquijor (Siquijor Proper & Larena Port) Boat Trips

(as of Jan 2023)

Montenegro Lines - at Dumaguete Port, P234.00/pax, P169/bicycle

Aleson Shipping - at Dumaguete Port, 8 am and 6 pm daily, 10 am M-Sat, Regular P200.00/pax, Aircon P250.00/pax

Ocean Jet - 40 mins, docks at Siquijor Port, 0919.066.5964, www.oceanjet.net, marketing@ocenajet.net

Please check first if Atlantis Yohan Express is back in operations

Atlantis Yohan Express - Siquijor Port or Larena Port?

Dumaguete >> Lazi, Siquijor by boat

Dumaguete to Lazi, Siquijor route by Kho Shipping was just opened up in early September 2023. Before, going to Lazi meant going to Siquijor Proper first, then catching the 2pm jeep to Lazi (last trip), adding 1 hour on the trip. Now, Siquijor Proper can be completely bypassed.

Dumaguete Port - take Kho Shipping to Lazi, Tu-F-Sun, 3 hours, Dumaguete departure 1 am, arrival in Lazi Port 4 am, economy P300, tourist P500.

Dumaguete Itinerary

Things to Eat in Dumaguete:

Eat at Neva's Pizza. They have a wood-burning stove and make the best pizza in Dumaguete
Eat the local version of Tempura, fish ball, balut at Tempurahan, an adhoc outdoor section by the City Port entrance.
Eat Paklay, a local delicacy made of pork inards. Popular in Dumaguete's roadside eating places
Try any of the lechon manok (chicken roasted on a spit) that's scattered all over the city
Try the torta bread (bread made with fermented coconut nectar) - you find that along the highway in Dauin...or the Dumaguete Public Market
Eat the breakfast combo - Budbud Cabog (Dumaguete's specialty suman) or puto + tsokolate (sticky rice wrapped in banana leaf + native chocolate drink)

Things to Do in Dumaguete:

Stroll along The Boulevard
Taka a tour of Silliman University

Sightseeing / Activities Near Dumaguete:

Valencia
1. Forest Camp in Valencia - a mountain resort fed by the Banica River. Great for getting wet and picnics (blog by Lakwatsero)
2. Go to the Japanese Shrine and Casaroro Falls - 100 meter falls and site of a fierce WWII battle between Japanese, Americans and Filipinos
3. Head out to Camp Lookout in Valencia for great views. Famous writers stay there for the Silliman University National Writers Workshop.
4. Stop by The World War II Museum in Valencia and talk to curator/owner/collector, Constantino "Tantin" Cata-al.
5. Splash on Pulangbato Falls and Hot Spring - via Palinpinon road towards PNOC. Great to dip-in after a day's hike or for hot lazy days
6. Climb Mt. Talinis. At 1864 meters, it lords over Negros Oriental, and home to endemic and rare species of flora and fauna.
Dauin
1. Dive on Apo Island - best for scuba and turtle watching
2. Dive on Dauin's District 1 Marine Reserve - best spot for snorkelling - 10K grouper, turtles, cuttlefish, Titan Triggerfish, etc. This is only one of many marine reserves dotting the Dauin coastline.
3. Soak in Baslay Hot Spring
Sibulan
Go to Balinsasayao Twin Lakes - two lakes almost 1000 meters above sea level
Siquijor
Take the ferry to Siquijor - stay in Siquijor overnight
Zamboanguita
Visit Malatapay Market on a Wednesday and try their lechon, tuba, and grilled fish
Bais
Go dolphin watching and swim on the sandbar
Mabinay
Rappel down Mabinay Caves
Siaton
Experience Lake Balanan

Onward Destinations After Dumaguete

These are the nearest popular destinations from Dumaguete by boat

Bohol - Bohol is an island northeast Dumaguete. Tourist attractions are Chocolate Hills, Tarsier Monkey, Loboc River Cruise, Beaches of Panglao, whale sharks (recent offering), freediving (recent offering)
Cebu - Cebu City is the usual gateway into the Visayas. But in Cebu Island itself, there are many offerings - Whale Sharks of Oslob, sardine run at Moalboal,Thresher Shark of Malapascua
Dapitan (Zamboanga del Norte) - I haven't been there but a lot of island ferries ply this port. There must be something here.
Plaridel (Misamis Occidental, Mindanao) - I haven't been there but a lot of island ferries ply this port. There must be something here.