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Aug 8, 2010
Nomadic Existence: A Rethinking
Being in Limbo
It's been a while since I left Manila for a new life outside its urban chaos. When my plane for Bohol left without me (I was inexcusably late), the next seat sale was for Dumaguete. By default, Dumaguete became my new destination and my potential home. It has been 4 months since, but I still find myself in limbo, moving from one place to another, in search of that one place that resonates - from the pension houses, the dorm, the damp room, and the mosquito-infested bamboo house. I realize this is what I bargained for - life on the edge.
When It's Magical
It was fun when I started doing this 7 years ago after my Burning Man experience. It was a longtime dream that came to be - a spartan life of nomadic mobility with no safety net - no steady income, no savings, no permanent address, no destination...just staying real and letting life take me where it takes me. Sure, I've been taken to the proverbial waterfall, met magnificent lives and filled my belly with delectable food. That's the magical part.
When It's Not
The other side of the coin lies in the void; when the magic stops - getting in the red, the prolonged solitude, the occasional self-doubt, and the allure of comfort. Am I still with the Flow? Is life passing me by? Why am I the only one I know who's doing this? Am I nuts? Have I been kidding myself all these years?
Options
I am unsure at this point if what I'm going through is just a lull (in a perpetual cycle of peaks and valleys) or a sign to take a different direction altogether. Of course there are many viable options.
- I can go back to the corporate world. In a fast-changing environment, seven years is a long time to be gone. I'm sure that realm has adapted new ways of doing things - another learning curve, another adventure unto its own.
- I can continue life as a freelancer but with means. I can be aggressive in my SEO and Web Design efforts. I used to walk away from lucrative projects simply because I didn't want too much money. I enjoyed my poverty. Loose change in my pocket was all I wanted. But in dry spells like this when I live on the money of others, I am kicked waaaay out of my comfort level. I realize I cannot be a monk living on the charity of others, if I can't even live on the loan of others. Yes, it's a loan that I will insist on paying back even though the money was an implied gift.
- I can settle down. I'd been offered a free house in Bicol and a free land near Panglao, Bohol, where I can put up my little nipa hut. That would be the closest semblance of a home that I can think of - a semi-permanent launching pad for my travels. I guess I will always be traveling...regardless if I have a home or not.
- I can confront fate. This is extreme. When my last peso goes, I won't make that phone call for a life line. I've endured 4 days of hunger before. I wonder now. How many days of hunger before something cathartic happens? And what if nothing happens? I've always held that there is an unseen hand that looks after my well being. Now can be the time to put that to the test. I may not get another chance. I'm really very curious what lies beyond.
The Observers
When I say let life take me where it takes me, it's not about a clueless inert passivity. I will still be working...or at least be looking for work. But from a perspective of quantum mechanics, reality as we know it is NOT independent of the observer (us!). On a sub-atomic level, all things are reduced to waves and particles whose existence are ruled by probabilities - not absolute manifestations. We, as observers, influence or even manifest those probabilities - that's the cutting-edge math behind the String Theory. Life taking me where it takes me is simply the collective output of the observers. I am intrigued by the concept, but more importantly, I have to experience that concept. Interestingly, this is the same message the mystics have been saying for generations. But now, we have science and mysticism converging on that paradigm. By letting life take me where it takes me, I aim to experience that convergence.
The Long Road Trip
My time is ticking. With open options, I thread the placid space ever mindful of the slightest Flow...and take that direction. Of course, I can simply grab the bull by the horns - decide on an objective and PERT-CPM my way through it. But that has been my pre-Burning Man ways. It offers no excitement for me anymore. I'm more interested in letting go and see where this collective consciousness takes me. Very much like equipping myself for a long sea voyage and just drift with the ocean current thrilled by what might happen just beyond that swell.
--- TheLoneRider
Aug 8, 2010
 Jan Bautista
(Jan 19, 2011) I love the part on the Observers! Hope to read more about it here. metta!
 Friend
(Aug 16, 2010) I had a dream with you in it. You were having some reflective life stuff and we were having a conversation about it. Not sure what you're going through exactly, but know I'm here if you wanna talk. Hugs and light.
 Jim Ward
(Aug 15, 2010) Today I read your recent (8/8 blog) re: feeling at a bit of a crossroads at the moment...when I opened the Live in Joy article, one line jumped out at me...which I felt compelled to pass along. This comes from a guy who left the expat/Rockwell/safety net 7 years ago to pursue a crazy dream called BLISS here in Baguio...
"When we are not attached to who we think we are, life can move through us, playing us like an instrument."
AndreaBoo
(Aug 12, 2010) Happy journeying. You are an affirmation that the Flow is there and if one is quiet, brave and game enough... makakasabay sa daloy. Kitakits pagnapadaloy ka sa Manila ulit. Namaste!
 Ariane H
(Aug 12, 2010) Hey man! I hope you'd find your path again...You owe it to yourself to be true and be free from fleeting pleasures of comfort. Life is what you make out of it and I am sure whatever you choose you'll do damn well :)
(Dec 31, 2010) 2021 saw me move out of the familiarity of Manila and into a new chapter in Dumaguete - didn't even know what in there. I made efforts to generate wealth, but somehow, it wasn't in the works, despite due diligence. I was alone for the most part. It would have been nice to have company. I climbed Mt. Kanlaon, one of the most technical climbs I've done.....more »»
»» next story: Aquamundo Diving Mask and Snorkel
»» next Wealth Building story: Nomadic Existence: A Return to the Default World
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