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Oct 9, 2011

Fitting In

Dexter Season 1
I'd been watching the tv series, Dexter Season 1. I know, old news. As always, I'm the last to know about pop culture. To the unfamiliar, Dexter is a pathological killer. He has this uncontrollable urge to kill. Luckily, his foster father taught him how to divert or channel the urge by killing just the bad folks. Dexter is also a sociopath who would rather not be committed to anyone. He feels extremely disconnected to society and almost devoid of affection. He goes through life feeling empty knowing he's a monster.

Masking It
But here's the interesting part. You wouldn't know all that if you met him. On the exterior, he's your average pleasant guy who holds a job and even maintains a relationship with someone (albeit an equally damaged partner). Nobody knows his secret. How does he do all that? His foster father taught him well. He showed Dexter how to fake anything and everything in order to fit in. As a kid, Dexter didn't like being in group pictures, least of all to smile for the camera. His father told him that he (Dexter) should join the group pictures and smile because it's a way to fit in. Yes, it's all about fitting in so people don't know you're different. When Dexter brushed-off a classmate who wanted to be asked for the prom, his foster father also advised him to make the effort to invite her to the prom because it's what normal people do. The gesture will not make him stand out as different. Thoughout his life, Dexter mastered the social dos and don'ts just so he can blend in seamlessly and disappear in the crowd.

Outside Looking In
What's my take from all this? Well, all my life I've always felt like an outsider - always outside looking in. But unlike Dexter, I never tried to fit in. The "fitting-in" concept is actually a new thing for me. And honestly, it has very little appeal to me. Where I am is where I am, and that's that. Take me or leave me - that's how it works. Consequently, I'd been called many labels - weird, unusual, strange, 'not like us'. That's understandable. In a predominantly catholic country, I don't believe in the Bearded One (and I make no apologies for it). At an age where guys like me is close to finishing off their mortgage, I'm essentially a drifter moving from one place to the next in search of resonance (there was even a time I chose to be homeless). Again, for guys my age, they would have already built-up a sizable next egg - I'm usually hovering above the poverty line with no money in the bank (by choice, for the longest time - although I now embark on a wealth-building headspace). While most people secure their future, I deliberately live in the here-and-now...the future does not exist for me (neither does it exist for anyone, but don't tell them that...they might think Santa Claus is not real)...and all that jazz. What you see is what you get.

Normal People?
Now, I'm wondering what 'normal people' do to fit in. I wonder just how fucked-up they are if they just tried to be themselves. Maybe I wouldn't look strange afterall. Personally, I know of tough-talking guys I used to go drinking with, back in the day. Macho guys? Not really. They're in the US now sucking dick. Not just one guy I know of, quite a handful actually. Don't get me wrong. I can care less if you're eating pussy or sucking dick - that's your business. I just want to point out that yes, even within my limited orbit, people reinvent themselves in order to fit in.

Dare!
So, what secret are you hiding? What do you do to fit in? He-he, no need to put your real name or email address below - I don't want to know (grinning).

--- TheLoneRider

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