Storming out of Dhamma Janani on the 4th Day

Website: Dhamma Janani Vipassana Center
Location : F7GG+7P5, Lumbini Sanskritik 32900, Nepal
No. of Students: 32m/18f
Sitter/Server: sitter

Surprise...surprise!!!
I thought it was such an auspicious opportunity serving at a Vipassana center where the Buddha was born - Lumbini. Of course it was, but I was in for a shock in what was to take place.

Vipassana where Buddha was Born
I initially thought about serving Vipassana while I was in Pokhara but timelines were tight and it was unlikely I could cross the India border before my visa expired. Luckily, the same schedule was offered in Lumbini, just a stone's throw from the India border. I applied to serve and was accepted. I was happy to be serving at Vipassana in Buddha's birthplace.

Getting There
Getting to Lumbini from Pokhara was painless. There was a direct bus that took me from the Pokhara Tourist Bus Park all the way to Gate 4 in Lumbini where I only walked 10 minutes to the center. The route from Pokhara was a mountain road full of turns, twists and views as the bus meandered through the zig-zag road. We passed through mountain towns and small mountain cities that looked interesting, but not necessarily in the travel books.

Clustered Monasteries
Upon reaching the site, I noticed that a lot of monasteries/temples of different faiths were clustered within an earshot of the Dhamma Janani - Myanmar Golden Temple, Gautami Nuns Temple, Sri Lanka Temple, Golden Temple, Cambodia Lumbini Buddhist Temple, etc. In the ensuing days, our meditation would be distracted from what sounded like the Islamic call to prayer and Buddhist chants on their public address system. I guess it's no different from our sounding the bell as early as 4am to wake up the meditators. In this congested piece of limited space, a little give and take is necessary for harmony.

entrance to Dhamma Janani

Dhamma Janani
The center itself is small and unkept. At the outset, it was obvious it needed some general cleaning and maintenance. Some infrastructure were abandoned as a result of the 2015 earthquake.

As a Server
The whole group - teacher, course manager, servers and staff were all Nepali who already knew each other. They've done some work together in the past. They would talk in Nepali. Their English was rudimentary at best. They could hardly understand me and I could hardly understand them. It usually never happens, but I was out of place in that gamut.

The Curt Course Manager
On the 9 occasions I've sat and served 10 full days (Philippines, Malaysia and Cambodia), the general atmosphere is always one of harmony - everyone there for the sole purpose of giving Dhamma. You could feel it.

Here at Dhamma Janani, it felt different, largely due to the course manager. He carries on like he's now doing a job he no longer enjoys but somehow compelled to continue doing. He's an angry man who's angry at himself and angry at the world around him - he was simply a very wrong choice for the job. The first look he gave me was that of contempt - on my arrival before I even uttered a word! His first words to me were curt and hostile. He would continue to talk to me in a curt way expecting me to fill-in the blanks by reading his mind. He had a smug look to his ever-so-serious face. When he talks, he talks down to people like a Gestapo interrogating suspects in a police line-up. There was nothing pleasant about this guy. My gut feel already told me this was going to be a problem. I didn't let it get in the way. I was there to give Dhamma to those who chose to take the path - I didn't want to make it about him. But with every passing day, he became more overbearing. It was a struggle for me to dismiss his abrasiveness in order for me to have a pleasant demeanor in dealing with the meditators.

Forced Meditation in the Dhamma Hall
The practice as taught by SN Goenka, is to meditate as a group 3x/day for 3 hours total - everybody needs to be in the Dhamma Hall. However, on the other 7.5 hours, participants have the option to meditate in their own rooms. That's how it is taught and that's the way I've always experienced it - until now.

As a server, I was made to ensure everyone was inside the Dhamma Hall for all the sits - not just the group sits. I rang the main bell, but also had to go to their individual rooms, ring a smaller bell and knock on their doors to make them go to the meditation hall for the entire 10.5 hours we were to meditate. I felt it was wrong and not in line with the practice instituted by Goenka. One student complained - I understood him but held my piece. I talked to the teacher about it and was asked to tell the student to talk to the teacher instead.

My Room
I was given a room with a foul stench on the toilet. My windows were covered with dust that have accumulated for years - a strong wind could blow the dust all over my room. The extra mattress I requested was also dusty, I could smell the dust as I was putting it in place.

I understand that it's the meditator's role to keep the room clean and tidy. Yes, but only as a matter of maintenance. But this room needed a serious general cleaning. It's not part of the practice to make students live in such environment, let alone expect them to do cleaning at this dirty level. Still, I am not quick to complain, but I had serious misgivings at how the place was kept. In fairness though, I stayed in one room previous to the current one and that room wasn't so bad.

The Banana Incident
After another curt reply to me by the course manager, I decided to talk to the teacher and say my goodbye. It made no sense for me to stay if I will remain agitated. But before I could do that, the banana incident happened which expedited my leaving. A student suffering from stomach issues asked for a banana. Bananas were not on the menu then and the only bananas left were for the servers (us!). I gave him the banana - for good reasons:

1. the servers wouldn't eat until 30 minutes later - there was ample time to replace the banana, whereas the student was already having his meal. Why make him wait? The course manager wasn't there and he had the key to the storage room where the bananas were kept.
2. the priority of the course was the meditators - not the servers! Even if that was the last banana, it should still go to the meditator. The servers can eat whatever food is still available.

When the course manager came back and saw me give the banana to the meditator, he just angrily lashed at me as though I killed his cat. That's when I've had enough. We repressingly yelled at each other, hoping none of the dining meditators who were right in front of us would notice. I was so infuriated I wanted to punch him in the face. Unable to contain myself, I stormed out of the dining hall and went to the teacher to tell him what happened and to say my goodbye.

Talk with the Teacher
I talked to the teacher to tell him the 2 major problems I had which are more than enough for my leaving.

1. course manager - when he asked my advice, I said I don't feel hatred for the manager (I was convincing myself to rise above the hate), but he has to leave that job because his being there is injurious to the Dhamma welfare of all the students and servers. That he should take time off, travel and find himself and even sign-up as a regular server (and not as some big-shot course manager) and rediscover what Vipassana is all about.
2. militant Vipassana - it wasn't only about the course manager I had a problem with but also with the way the teacher was conducting his own version of Vipassana.
   
   me: Why are students forced to meditate in the Dhamma Hall when they have the option to meditate in their rooms?
   
   teacher: They will end up sleeping
   
   me: Of course some of them end up sleeping! Goenka knew that, you know that, I know that and the students themselves know that. If Goenka didn't want that to happen, then he would have just mandated forced meditation in the Dhamma Hall. But he didn't do that. Why? Because not everyone can meditate for 10.5 hours/day. I've seen the students struggle specially during the midday - they get fidgety, restless, moving a lot, looking behind at the clock....and they keep doing this the entire 2 hours they are in the Dhamma Hall - they are not able to meditate at all. It is totally unproductive. It would bring more benefit if the mind is given some slack to recharge for the next meditation - even if it means they get some sleep. That is the wisdom I find in allowing them to meditate inside their rooms - it was a gray area that was designed to be gray.
   
   teacher: Once they are inside the Dhamma Hall, they can always go out to stretch before they come back.
   
   me: If that is the intention, make that clear at the outset. It is wrong to tell them they can meditate inside their rooms and then force them to the Dhamma Hall. As a server, I have to comply with your mandate when I am strongly against it. I am not saying I'm right. I'm just saying I disagree with your methods.

After our talk, he persuaded me to take my breakfast and meditate before I decide to leave. I granted him that. After, he persuaded me to stay...to first meditate without doing any kind of serving...to meditate as long as I needed to...but to stay. The assistant course manager, who was the only one I felt a kinship to, also persuaded me to stay. But at that point, I could no longer find motivation to extend my stay.

Disrespectful?
Was I disrespectful to the teacher? I certainly hope not - that was never my intention. But it is within Vipassana to question things that don't make sense - Cinta-maya panna! As Goenka himself said, even Buddha's words are to be questioned if they don't make sense. They are just Sutta-maya panna - his truth and not necessarily yours. Vipassana has no room for blind obedience. And that is one of Vipassana's most endearing feature - it doesn't insult my intelligence.

Tom
The Meditator who Cried Foul!
After leaving the center, I had nowhere else to go, so I stayed in Lumbini. I thought about 2 meditators - the one who complained about being forced into the Dhamma Hall and the one who felt bad for me about giving him the banana, resulting in my abrupt departure.

The following day, as I was looking over from my guesthouse balcony, I thought I saw the guy who complained, having coffee in a restaurant. Shouldn't he be in the center meditating with the others? I went down to ascertain. Sure enough, it was him. Apparently, that morning, everyone was forced again to meditate in the Dhamma Hall. Again, he expressed his desire to meditate inside his room. It became a stand-off until he was advised to leave. And he did.

During my lengthy talk with him, he expressed being subjugated by an authoritarian dictatorship, not unlike a military bootcamp. Like me, he felt there was something wrong with the energy of the place from day 1. Like me, he was pushed to the tipping point where leaving was the logical choice.

I'm glad we met. It was his first Vipassana and I didn't want him to think Vipassana is that unforgiving. I explained to him my transformation from the practice with other centers. I urged him to continue his practice with other centers, assuring him it would be unlike this one. We became friends in the process.

Ending Thoughts
I have many thoughts running inside my head over what happened.

1. First of all, I want to make it clear that I did not get a sense of power-tripping from the teacher's end. I think he is a good man with good and compassionate intentions - that's what I came away with after our talk. Perhaps it is with the Nepali culture of tapas (doing what is hard instead of doing what is easy) where they take the liberty to interpret Vipassana into a hardcore version of itself - a Vipassana that may no longer be consistent with the intentions of Goenka.
2. The course manager should leave that job and find himself. I still believe he has good intentions but somehow got derailed and lost touch with why he chose to be there in the first place. I'm not angry at him now. I'm just glad I'm not in his place.
3. The center really needs some major cleaning up. I don't find it a matter of funding but simply a matter of hygiene.
4. I don't just quit at something so it was very hard for me to leave, unsure if I just quit over a surmountable obstacle. But as soon as I left, there was no guilt. I felt relieved. I just realized I was in a pressure cooker the entire 4 days I was inside the center. Perhaps by staying 4 days, I was even stubborn.
5. I was also drawn to the conclusion that perhaps my purpose in going to this particular center wasn't really to serve - but to bring focus on changes that need to be addressed. And by bringing it to the teacher's attention, the purpose of my coming was already met.
6. As for Tom, I feel that he will be part of my future at some point. It's just uncanny that I spoke to him upon my leaving, thought about him while I was in Lumbini and actually saw him again. We felt exactly the same way about what was happening, and we both took the same course of action, only to meet again. How cool is that?

Now, with Dhamma Janani behind me, I simply have to be mindful at what the next challenge is. My heart is still in the right place, my mind is not clouded and I'm ready for the next chapter.

--- Gigit (TheLoneRider)
YOGA by Gigit | Learn English | Travel like a Nomad | Donation Bank

Reader Comments:

Natasha The Moon

How to get to Dhamma Janani (Lumbini) from Pokhara

• from Pokhara, there is a straight bus that leaves from the Tourist Bus Park (NPR 800, departs 6-8:30am, 8 hours). It will drop you off in front of Gate 4 of Lumbini (just tell the driver). From the gate, it's a 10-min walk to the center.

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Travel Tips for Lumbini

1. coming from Pokhara, Lumbini is an 8-hr bus ride, NPR 800
2. ideal time frame for Lumbini is an overnight stay. You don't need more than a day to see the attractions. After that, there isn't much else to see or do
3. Lumbini's highlight are the temples, pagodas and monasteries within the Lumbini Development Zone, a rectangular area that spans about 5.7 kms walk from the northern-most attraction to the southern-most. Best to rent a bicycle at NPR 150/day (negotiable depending on season). It is not dusty inside this rectangular area.
4. Lumbini, like Kathmandu, is dusty - use a mask
5. Lumbini has a hot and humid climate
6. Lumbini has a Vipassana center, Dhamma Janani
7. Lumbini, aside from being the birthplace of Buddha, really has nothing much else to offer other than the pagodas
8. travelers taking the bus from Pokhara can be dropped off at the main tourist area in Gate 5
9. Lumbini is a 1-street dusty town, opposite Gate 5
10. food and lodging in Lumbini are cheap like Pokhara

Travel Tips for Nepal

• tourist visa up to 15 days = $25, up to 30 days = $40, up to 90 days = $100, transit = $5, and they will accept currencies from 18 countries
• best to register for a tourist visa online (http://online.nepalimmigration.gov.np/tourist-visa). This saves you time, trouble and the hassle of bringing in a picture with you. You get the approved form printed and just show it to the Immigration guys in Kathmandu
• NPR (Nepalese Rupee) 100 = US$1
• nearly every food served is spicy...there is no escaping it

Nepal Blogs by TheLoneRider

KATHMANDU

1. Visiting Boudhanath, Nepal's Largest Stupa Apr 19, 2018
2. Vinyasa Yoga with Dipendra at the Mandala Yoga Studio and Spa, Kathmandu Apr 18, 2018
3. Hatha Yoga with Madhab Prasad Dhakal at Sawar Yoga Studio, Kathmandu Apr 17, 2018
4. Fitness in Kathmandu Apr 15, 2018
5. 7 Days In Kathmandu April 13-20, 2018
6. The 18-Hour Trip from Kuantan, Malaysia to Kathmandu, Nepal April 12-13, 2018

LUMBINI

7. India Visa Snag May 9, 2018
8. Exploring Lumbini - Buddha's Birthplace May 5, 2018
9. Storming out of Dhamma Janani on the 4th Day May 1-5, 2018

POKHARA

10. Visiting Gupteshwor Mahadev Cave, Pokhara Apr 26, 2018
11. Exploring Devi's Falls, Pokhara Apr 26, 2018
12. Trekking to the World Peace Pagoda Apr 26, 2018
13. Exploring Pokhara, Nepal Apr 20, 2018

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