Bohol Yoga Festival, April 21-22, 2024
Dad Stories
Jul 31, 2004
Next Time You Use my Car, Walk my Dog
Location 
: Quezon City, Philippines
Words of Infamy
I developed a wonderful and meaningful connection with my half-brother upon my return to the Philippines. He looked after me, took me to his gigs, introduced me to his friends, and helped me acclimatize to my new environment. I'd been meaning to thank him in my currency, but this idyllic relationship shattered before I could do that.
From out of nowhere, he uttered this one foolish, needless and reckless remark. The ramification of that statement had far-reaching and catastrophic repercussions.
"Kuya (older brother), the next time you use my car, you walk my dog."
my half-brother wanted me to walk his Rottweiler next time I use his car
Did Dad Sanction It?
I was shocked upon hearing that. It left me disturbed for days. As far as I was concerned, that was the end of my relationship with my half-brother.
But there was this lingering question that needed to be clarified: did Dad authorize that?
When I arrived from Europe, Dad told me that my abrupt visit to the Philippines was a surprise. He had no time to aptly prepare for my needs in his house. For one thing, he had no car for me. So he talked to my younger half-brother if he can lend me his car if he's not using it. Thus my use of the car. But with the turn of events, I needed to know if Dad allowed my half-brother to give me such condition (to have me walk my half-brother's dog next time I use his car). I had to talk to him:
Gigit: "Dad, I have to tell you something. My half-brother told me that next time I use his car, I have to walk his dog." (I paused, observing his reaction. Of course, I could not straight away ask him if he authorized it.)
Dad: (Intently looking at me straight in the eye) "Was he drunk when he said that?"
Gigit: "No"
Dad: "Was he joking?"
Gigit: "No Dad, he was serious!"
Dad: (He suddenly had this incensed look in his eyes, and on the top of his lungs yelled) "Putang-ina !!!! (Mother-fucking shit!!!)" (He called my half-brother at that instance and yelled, cursed, and chewed him up.)
Gigit: (I knew then that Dad didn't have anything to do with it, and that my half-brother unilaterally decided on that bold move. My question was answered. But that was just the beginning of shit hitting the fan.)
Çircling the Wagons
My half-brother's side (his mother and siblings) banded up and told me I should not have taken the matter up with Dad - that I should have talked it over with my half-brother.
There was nothing in my half-brother's words I didn't understand. There was nothing to talk about. My relationship with him was dead. I didn't feel the need to tell them why I talked to Dad - I was not accountable to them. I can care less if they thought I just snitched. They all felt I backstabbed my half-brother (after all the "good things" he's done to me). I wouldn't be surprised if their thinking is that the family was doing all great until I came along. Of course, they have to protect their side at all cost.
Their retaliation didn't stop there. My youngest half-brother, in anonymity on social media, posted very nasty remarks about me while I was in the limelight for Survivor Philippines. He didn't realize my friends who were the tech-guys in his place of work were on to him. When they confronted him about his nasty postings, he, like his older brother, weaseled-out by saying he had a falling-out with his girlfriend and was such in bad mood. Nobody wants to own up to their transgressions.
The Excuse
Dad scheduled a meeting with me and my half-brother to get to the bottom of it. There was no denial of what happened. His reason for asking me to walk his dog was that he would sometimes be injured from his martial arts practice and had difficulty walking his dog. This excuse, of course, was nothing more than an insult to the intelligence of my Dad and me. Had he simply owned-up and apologized for his vain attempt to establish rank with me, things may have turned out for the better. This was his moment of redemption and he blew it.
Gigit is not your only Son
Without me, Dad and his then-wife (I can't even call her my step-mother) and his offsprings with her (my half-brothers, all 3) met about the increasing volatility of the situation. His then-wife said, "Gigit is not your only son". That broke the camel's back. Everything unraveled from thereon.
The Repercussions
- I moved out of the house and lived at a dorm in UP - Dad was particularly proud of his new big house. Moving out of that house was a big blow to him. As for me, that house became a cesspool of bad blood.
- Dad moved out of the house and moved with someone else - disgruntled, Dad simply left his then-wife for another woman
- the big house was sold - ultimately, the big house in Xavierville was sold. Everyone had to scamper for a new place to stay - his then-wife and all her kids
- I haven't spoken to any of my half-brothers since - I completely severed my ties with them. Not just with my half-brother but all of them
Reaching Out
Months or even years later (I already forgot, as I am writing this in Mar 2021), I received messages from my half-brother asking me how I was and asking me to stop by his new shop - as though nothing happened! There was no apology or admission of fault.
At this point, whatever love, affection and respect I had for him were all gone. I was happy to just have him out of my circle. Had I allowed him back, I would constantly be looking behind my back. It didn't make sense anymore.
Ending Thoughts
Needlessly, his famous last words caused so much upheaval, dislocation and instability to the family - not so much for me, but for everyone else. For what gain? Was he able to get me to walk his dog? The only thing he gained was the loss of the house, the shattering of the family and dislocation of everyone else. This is a fact no matter how he wants to look at the situation. Whenever I think about this moment, I cannot help but shake my head at this reckless and manipulative move that has caused so much carnage.
Am I too harsh to sever my ties with him completely? Maybe, but I no longer feel any affection for him. Worse, I no longer trust him. To have him within my orbit again but continue to be wary about what he might do next, is like putting a stone in my shoe. I'm really better off not having him in my life. And for that matter, it doesn't matter if he is family or not. When the trust is broken, there is nothing left.
I continued to have a close relationship with Dad.
--- Gigit (TheLoneRider)
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