TheLoneRider
a nomad in search of...
Chiang Mai, Thailand

The Outsiders May 31, 2019

The Outsiders

(people you need to push out of your sacred circle)

Foreword: I have to make it clear that this is not a hit-piece about them, so I'm not naming names - that's not the point. I'm simply narrating my experience and observation as they happened and my course of action.

Magnificent Lives
The world is full of magnificent lives that have enriched my life - fascinating people who make up my peoplescape as I cover ground in my travels. I meet them everywhere - here in Thailand, in Vietnam, in meditation temples, India, etc. I am attracted to them as they are attracted to me. I would say it's the Law of Attraction in full swing. As a general rule, everyone is a friend I haven't met yet. That is my mental framework about my peoplescape.

The Outsiders
Even though I am selective about people I reach out to, inevitably, I also come across those I have initially allowed inside my space who eventually need to be pushed out for unacceptable behavior. Fortunately, even though there's a lot of them roaming around in the free world, only a few get inside my space - most are filtered-out. I can count them with my fingers. The ones who manage to get in usually talk the conscious talk, look the part and act the part - there's just no way to see through them until a little pressure out of their comfort zone causes their facade to crumble down.

Who are they? Well, some are the ones who hold MARKERS (moral I.O.U.s) on you. That's pretty obvious. But some come with a warped sense of entitlement and unreasonable demands with very little sense of appreciation. They cry foul over unmet but unwarranted expectations. Some are compromisingly unreliable who string you along and then hang you out to twist in the wind. Others happen to be gentle souls with so much baggage on their shoulders and pass it on to you unknowingly as a matter of habit. Some are initially charming but morph into bullies with an abusive nature once they find a comfortable bearing. You get all kinds.

The Outsiders

Cutting Clean
As soon as the transgression becomes apparent to me, I unconditionally and immediately cut my ties cleanly and clinically. For deliberate unacceptable behavior, I simply burn the bridge. It doesn't matter if that person is family, close friend or someone intimate. Genetics mean little to me if the relationship is abusive. Toxic elements simply have no place in my sacred space - their very presence is already corrosive.

Benefit of the Doubt
Before I do this though, I still try to step back and look at the big picture to see if I'm missing something. I try to look at the situation from their lenses. Maybe it's not about them. Maybe it's me! If I would write a "goodbye and have a good life" message, I wait 24 hours before I send it. I have to be assured my judgement is not clouded by the aggravation.

Retaliation
When they realize they're out and I'm already burning my bridges, they are quick to retaliate as a knee-jerk reaction - much like a wild animal caught in a trap. I get called names. That I am not a 'true friend', that I judged them, that I had expectations of them, that I had a hidden agenda, etc. I offer no debate or discussion. I guess it's the usual case of "it's always the other guy's fault".

"99 times out of 100, people don't criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be." -- Dale Carnegie

Loving Compassion
In my younger days, I would simply kick them out with expletives and the finger, to wit. Now, I simply see them (and me) going through a karmic process that need to take place. I might be swift in pushing them out of my space, but I bear no anger. I empathize on what they have to endure (burdened by their own baggage even if they don't seem to see it) and wish them well on their journey. Some I completely write-off, and some I love from a distance. They have no place in my sacred space - it's as simple as that. I have to keep my peace.

Ending Thoughts
This is not to say I'm perfect. In the same way most of them don't see the error in their ways, I know I have errors in my ways too - I just don't see it as well. And that is when true friends come in - they are the ones to point out my blind spots. That is why I engage in expressed radical honesty with some friends whom I trust and whose counsel I take in advisement.

Even though my ways could be deemed harsh and clinical, I have never been proven wrong. By clearing the clutter (yes, corrosive people within your sacred space is clutter), I also free-up space to allow new energies in. Invariably, these new energies prove far better and enriching - simply because I attract these energies.

By keeping only the positive people within my orbit, I maintain my equanimity, conserve energy (yes, getting aggravated by toxic people can be draining!) and give me more time to put my effort into others more deserving. I travel light on my journey because I don't carry excess baggage.

I have seen beautiful souls debilitated by corrosive people they can't seem to break free from. Sometimes, it morphs into a relationship of co-dependence and abuse. They use all the excuses to defend the status-quo - that they are family, that they don't want to lose the friendship, that they don't want to be alone, etc. If only they realize how liberating life can be if they unshackle themselves from the cross they carry because of the presence of these people in their lives.

I am reminded of what Morgan Freeman said about the prison walls in the movie, Shawshank Redemption, "These walls (people who should not be with you) are funny. The first few months, you want to break free from them. You stay a few more years and you can't live without them." Sigh!

--- Gigit (TheLoneRider)
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Next stop: Yoga Flow Through the 7 Chakras


Google Map

Chiang Mai, Thailand

important places in Chiang Mai IMPORTANT PLACES
Chiang Mai Bus Station Bus Station
Chiang Mai Train Station Train Station
Chiang Mai airport Chiang Mai International Airport
Nong Buak Hard Park Nong Buak Hard Park - free yoga classes daily

hotels in Chiang Mai HOTEL
Chiang Mai Arun Dara Villa Arun Dara Villa - 7 exclusive rooms, 1 swimming pool for every room, grand opening
Chiang Mai Nawa Sheeva Hotel Nawa Sheeva Hotel - big rooms, high ceiling, salt-water pool, restaurant, cafe
Chiang Mai Nawa Saraan Hotel Nawa Saraan Hotel - low density (4 spacious rooms), stone garden setting, Koi fish pond, Old City location

birds nest restaurants in Chiang Mai RESTAURANT
La Pizza Chiang Mai La Pizza Chiang Mai - Italian pizza, pasta, wine, dessert, coffee
Chiang Mai birds nest restaurant Natural Bird Nest by Burapa - authentic bird's nest soup

Thai massage in Chiang Mai WELLNESS
ITM  International Training Massage School ITM - International Training Massage School - Chiang Mai's most prestigious massage school
Float Chiang Mai Float Chiang Mai - sensory deprivation float pod
Chiang Mai, Royal Thai Lanna Massage Zira Spa - upscale authentic Thai massage and spa treatment

motorcycle rental in Chiang Mai MOTORBIKE RENTAL
Chiang Mai birds nest motorcycle Tawan Bike - motorcycle rental | +66 91 635 2863 | Si Phum, Mueang Chiang Mai District, Chiang Mai 50200



USEFUL INFORMATION

Chiang Mai FYI / Tips
  • crop-burning season in Chiang Mai is between late Feb to early April. But laws change everytime. This year, 2019, there is a 61-day ban on burning so the farmers started burning early. When my plane was approaching Chiang Mai on Jan 24, 2019, there was already a thick blanket of smog covering the entire city (and beyond). But within the city itself, you won't feel it (but that doesn't mean the air is healthy). To monitor air conditions in real time, refer to site: Chiang Mai Air Pollution: Real-time Air Quality Index (AQI)
  • hot season begins March and lasts until June
  • wet season begins July and lasts until September
  • best time to visit Chiang Mai is mid-September to mid-February
  • visit Chiang Mai between October and April - best time, without the monsoon rains
  • you have to try Khao Soi, this is north Thailand's culinary staple
  • the tourist area where most of the hotels, restaurants, ticket offices, tour operators are, is located in the Old City
  • to exchange your dollars to Thai Baht, the Super Rich Money Exchange give the best rates. There are many branches scattered around Chiang Mai
  • get a red cab (songthao) outside the train station for Baht 50 (instead of paying B100 if inside the train station) to Old City - if you haggle nicely enough...I did!
  • shared red taxi (songthao) - B30 standard fare plying all over Old City
  • for only B50/day, best to rent a bike to go around the Old City - it's a 2.5km2 with lots to discover
  • FREE daily yoga classes from 9:00am to 10:15am at Nong Buak Hard Park (southwest corner of Old City). Resident and passing-through teachers take turns conducting yoga classes.
Blues/Jazz Bars in Chiang Mai
  1. North Gate Pub - at Chang Phueg Gate, great Tuesday jam session, Blues on Sundays by the 11pm band
  2. Road House - in front of Porn Ping Hotel
  3. Boy Blues Bar - at the Night Bazaar
Chiang Mai Cost Index
  • B60 Chiang beer
  • B250 1 hour drop-in yoga session
  • B200 one hour Thai body massage at WAYA Massage (highly recommended)
  • B50 noodle soup with meat
  • B50 coffee
  • B40 pad thai
  • B30/kilo wash-only laundry
  • B50/kilo wash+iron laundry
  • B100-150 dorm bed/night
  • B250 fan room/night
  • B30 internet cafe/hour
  • B170-190 Movies Sat-Sun and public holidays
  • B130-150 Movies weekdays
  • B100 Movies Wednesdays (movie discount day)
  • B750 1/2 day Thai cooking lessons
  • B900-1000 1 full day Thai cooking lessons
  • B400 Muay Thai boxing ticket
  • B2500 starting room rate at the luxury hotel, Nawa Sheeva (highly recommended)

  • Transportation
  • B450 bus, Chiang Mai to Bangkok
  • B160-180 bus, Chiang Mai to Pai
  • B1250 bus, Chiang Mai to Luang Prabang
  • B1650 slow boat, Chiang Mai to Luang Prabang
  • B210 bus, Chiang Mai to Chiang Rai, 3-4 hours
  • B360 Green VIP bus, Chiang Mai to Mae Sai (Thai border town for visa run to Tachileik, Myanmar)
  • B50 bicycle rental, 24 hours
  • B200 motorbike rental, 24 hours
  • B273 #51 sleeping train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai
  • B638 #7 a/c train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai
  • B50 red taxi fare from point to point
  • B100 red taxi fare from train terminal to city

  • Tours
  • B2000 full day elephant sanctuary
  • B750 Chiang Rai one-day tour
  • B1500 mountain biking scenic ride
How to Get to Chiang Mai from Bangkok by Train from Bang Sue Train Station

For more train info: Bangkok to Chiang Mai trains - departing from Hua Lamphong - MRT (Bangkok)

(I'm using Bang Sue as a starting point because I was closer to it, but you may be closer to the Hua Lamphong station)

  1. take the MRT train to Bang Sue Station. Take the #1 Exit to the north provincial trains
  2. Proceed to Counter 2. You will see an information booth, a train schedule chart and the ticket counter. Choose the train and pay at the ticket counter.
  3. daily train schedule:
    • 8:48am - #7 Train, arrive Chiang Mai 7:30pm, not sleeper, B638
    • 2:06pm - #109 Train, arrive Chiang Mai 4:05am, sleeper
    • 6:31pm - #9 Premium Train, arrive Chiang Mai 7:15am, sleeper, B938 upper deck, B1038 lower deck
    • 7:56pm - #13 Train, arrive Chiang Mai 8:40am, sleeper, B768 upper deck, B838 lower deck
    • 10:22pm - #51 Train, arrive Chiang Mai 12:10pm, sleeper, 3rd class B270 (non sleeper), 2nd class B438, B728 upper deck, B798 lower deck
Chiangmai Blogs by TheLoneRider
  1. Optimizing Life thru Heart Math May 8, 15 and 22, 2019
  2. Movie Review: Aladdin (2019) June 13, 2019
  3. Connective Cacao and Sound Journey June 12, 2019
  4. Movie Review: X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019) June 6, 2019
  5. Blues Music Scene in Chiang Mai June 6, 2019
  6. Movie Review: John Wick 3 - Parabellum (2019) June 4, 2019
  7. Hatha Slow Flow with Neil Jefferson June 3, 2019
  8. Meditating with One Million Meditators Movement June 1, 2019
  9. Vinyasa Happy Flow Series by Vaida May 31, 2019
  10. Muay Thai at the Chiang Mai Boxing Stadium May 30, 2019
  11. Yoga Flow Through the 7 Chakras May 30, 2019
  12. The Outsiders (people you need to push out of your sacred circle) May 31, 2019
  13. Fascinating Peoplescape of Chiang Mai II May 22, 2019
  14. World Meditation Day at Heart Space May 21, 2019
  15. Movie Review: Avengers: Endgame (2019) May 14, 2019
  16. Movie Review: Arctic (2018) May 13, 2019
  17. Abs Yoga May 12, 2019
  18. Kundalini and Vinyasa Yoga with Nicola Symons May 10, 2019
  19. Secret Sunrise Interactive Dance May 9, 2019
  20. Tok Sen Massage from Ying May 8, 2019
  21. Bruschetta: Nawa Saraan Style Apr 22, 2019
  22. Thai Cooking at Pra Nang Thai Cookery School Apr 20, 2019
  23. Movie Review: Hellboy (2019) Apr 15, 2019
  24. Bonding with the Elephants in Chiang Mai Apr 11, 2019
  25. Ziplining in Chiang Mai with Eagle Track Zipline Apr 10, 2019
  26. Movie Review: Shazam! (2019) Apr 4, 2019
  27. Movie Review: Captive State (2019) Mar 27, 2019
  28. Getting Thai Massage from Chiang Mai's Best (Lar Thanakrit Khamtanong) Mar 21, 2019
  29. Movie Review: Captain Marvel (2019) Mar 19, 2019
  30. Being the Soul of Nawa Saraan Hotel Mar 18, 2019
  31. Peoplescape of Chiang Mai Jan 24 - Mar 13, 2019
  32. Movie Review: Vox Lux (2018) Mar 2, 2019
  33. Movie Review: The Favourite (2018) Feb 25, 2019
  34. Curing Cancer with Yoga? Feb 21, 2019
  35. Movie Review: Alita Battle Angel Feb 19, 2019
  36. International Training Massage School (ITM): Level 1 Feb 11-15, 2019
  37. Sandesch Album Launch by Christoph Joerg Feb 13, 2019
  38. Movie Review: Spider-Man - Into the Spider-Verse (2018) Feb 3, 2018
  39. Movie Review: Green Book Jan 30, 2019
  40. Meditation in a Sensory Deprivation Tank at Float Chiang Mai Jan 29, 2019
  41. Bohemian Rhapsody (2018) Jan 27, 2019
  42. Movie Review: Aquaman Jan 26, 2019
  43. Reiki Share at the Mastermind Brain Spa Jan 26, 2019
  44. Resuming Life in Chiang Mai Jan 24, 2019
  45. 4 Days in Chiang Mai at Nawa Saraan Hotel Jan 2-6, 2019
  46. Mike Chong Aug 8, 2018
  47. An Intimate Conversation with my Universe in Chiang Mai Aug 8, 2018
  48. Kneaded and Pampered at Zira Spa Aug 4, 2018
  49. Savoring a Baht 3,500 Birds Nest Soup at Natural Bird Nest by Burapa Aug 3, 2018
  50. Yoga Exploration at The Yoga Tree with Gernot Aug 1, 2018
  51. Laughter Yoga with Saffiya Arnous July 31, 2018
  52. Yoga with Adam at Hidden House Yoga, Chiang Mai July 29, 2018
  53. 2 Weeks in Chiang Mai July 25 - Aug 7, 2018
  54. A First Timer in Chiang Mai Apr 9-23, 2016
  55. Dance Mandala in Chiang Mai at The Yoga Tree Apr 19, 2016
  56. Songkran Waterfight Festival in Chiang Mai Apr 13-15, 2016
  57. Border Crossing from Siem Reap (Cambodia) to Bangkok (Thailand) to Chiang Mai April 9-10, 2016

Travel Tips for Thailand

How to Get a 60-Day Thai Tourist Visa and then Extend by another 30 Days

    60-Day Thai Tourist Visa

    NOTE: There is no need to go back to your country to get the Thai tourist visa. Any major city with a Thai Embassy will do. Apparently there is also no need to have an invitation from a Thai establishment to justify the visa.

  1. Bring the following to the Thai embassy:
    a) proof of money (bank statement will suffice)
    b) flight booking to Thailand
    c) onward flight back to your country from Thailand
    d) filled-in tourist visa form
    e) 2 passport pictures
    f) hotel booking in Thailand (they didn't ask me for this but better be safe)
  2. After handing over all the documents, they will ask you to come pick your passport with the visa the following day from 4 to 5pm. That's it!

    30-Day Extension

    NOTE: When your 60-day visa is close to expiry and you want to extend your stay. No need to leave Thailand.

  1. bring the following to the Immigration Office:
    a) passport (make sure your Tourist Visa hasn't expired yet)
    b) Baht 1900
    c) photocopy of your passport + visa duration date stamp + TM6 card (white immigration card) and sign all the copies
    d) completed TM7 visa extension form (available at the Immigration Office)
    e) one 4cmx6cm passport picture
  2. submit the above to the Front Desk. They will give you a stub with your number on it. Take a seat and wait for your number to be called
  3. when your number is called, your picture will be taken. Then go back to your seat. They will call you again.
  4. when they call you again, they'll give you your passport with your extended visa. That's it!
  5. when there are no lines, the whole process can take only 10 minutes
General Travel Tips
  1. arrive early - in case there is a snag (visa snag, documentation snag, transport ticket snag, etc.), you will have ample time to troubleshoot the problem if you arrive early (to the airport, to the bus terminal, etc.)
  2. put detailed itinerary on the Calendar apps of your smart-phone according to timelines - this is where you do all your thinking and planning. Once written down, you don't have to think anymore while you are on the journey...you just follow the steps. This frees your mind for something else that might happen while you are already en route
  3. avoiding scams - as a general rule, I ignore the touts or anyone I don't know who call out to me. The calling comes in many forms - "Hi! Where are you from?", "Excuse me! Excuse me!", "Where are you going?". I don't look them in the eye and I remain non-verbal with them. If you reply to them, you just gave them an 'in' to hound you. In order not to look rude, I smile and wave the 'not interested' hand to them, without looking at them.
  4. power bank - hand-carry your power bank. Do not check it in. You can be called in when you are already inside the plane to go all the way to the loading dock so you can personally remove the power bank...and chances are, you'll have to surrender it to them. And you might delay the plane departure!

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