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lucid thoughts

March 9, 2003 Sunday

Pretzel with kids

Waking up with my kids on a weekend is always a joy - lots of lazy talk and cuddling before anyone rises up. For this morning, we decided to make a first - homemade pretzel. I made the dough and they flattened it for cutting up into strips for shaping. The undertaking is really more of a bonding for us. We carry a conversation while making it and we gather together for breakfast with a hearty appetite knowing we made it ourselves.

Lazy Sunday with Emily...and Jamie

I had wanted to get together with Emily the past few weeks but things just didn't happen. I'm glad we both found common time today. First stop for us was at Danny's place where his wife is recuperating from an operation. This is the first time I've been with my old social circle (my ex's and mine) with somebody other than my kids. It's going to happen sooner or later anyway. I'll just do my thing and let the chips fall where they may. My only concern is the other kids being curious and asking my kids about it. My kids can handle that...and more.

Emily and I had brunch at Niji, a Japanese restaurant with friendly service and reasonable prices. Nothing beats a lazy and leisurely Sunday brunch with someone you can have an engaging conversation with. Emily fills that void. We later stopped by Jamie's place, one of her Ace Crew friends, who's been down due to a friend taking his own life. I can relate to that. During my university days, I hung out with hippies who all had suicidal tendencies. I guess we all came close to pulling the trigger at one point.

So, back to Jamie. I've met him briefly at Emily's surprise party for Gen last November but really never got to talk to him. I'm glad I had this opportunity to get to know him more. As a general rule, I'm open to getting to know Emily's friends better. First was Cathy, then Gen and now Jamie. The vibe flowing within them is magical. I could use some of that...even from the outer fringes where I stand.

I'm getting a sense that I've come to the end of the trail with Emily. As much as I like her, the connection has stalled to an impasse. I don't get a sense that it can progress any further than it already has. It's time for me to move on to pursue promising human connections that lie elsewhere. Life is too short and time too expensive to stay in a stagnant place too long. The friendship will remain special as it always has. The focus however will be elsewhere. So many people and opportunities out there in the open world...so much potential for new and exciting things to happen...and not enough time.


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