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lucid thoughts

April 8, 2003 Tuesday

Lyndsey's New York

Lyndsey emails me she's moving with Mino to NY on May 3rd - a major decision.

Initially, I was happy for her (I still am). I have good reasons for feeling that way about her decision. I lived in NY for 5 years and it has been one of the most memorable experiences in my life. I got acclimatized to North American culture, got married and it's where I spent the best years of my married life in (the marriage has since failed). I also developed life-long friends in NY including a best friend whom I shared the peaks and valleys of urban survival with. He has become a godfather to my eldest and I in turn, a godfather to his youngest. We kept in touch and the friendship remains alive notwithstanding the distance of space and time.

Lyndsey's decision also stirred up strong feelings I struggled with while I was there. New York extracted the extremes from both ends of the spectrum. Despite the fact that leaving the comfort and security of the Philippines for an adventure in a vibrant land was my decision alone, I couldn't help but feel loneliness and uncertainty at a level I never felt before. I didn't know a soul and everything was new and unfamiliar. Ironic. I thought I could let go and let it rip in NY having liberated myself from the constraining influence of tradition and family. While that happened to an extent, it also made me aware how vulnerable I was...that I was entirely on my own without the cushion from friends and family. It took a while to develop a social circle...a lifeline, if you will, within the warm and harsh but nonetheless unconforming conventions of this city.

New York...New York. The city spells volumes on a very personal level.

Lastly, it dawned on me that Lyndsey, whose new yet promising friendship I've become fond of, will no longer be around. Life is full of goodbyes and you never get used to it. It always comes with a bittersweet sadness that lingers. But not unlike the travails of LoneRiders, paths are meant to cross once more...then the moment and the magic repeat itself all over again.

--- TheLoneRider

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