Tough Guy

Dad Stories
My Dad has many funny stories he used to tell his drinking buddies when I was a kid. I remember a lot of them and after hearing them so many times, it's still funny. They're all true, but perhaps with a few exaggerations added up through the years. Here's a classic one.

The Road Bump
Dad was still driving his Beetle back in the day. He was behind another car along Xavierville Ave in Quezon City. Close to reaching the end of the private road where there's a road bump, the other car coasted hoping it would go over the bump gently. Dad followed closely. The other car didn't make it over the bump and rolled back hitting my Dad's car.

Fuck You!
Immediately, the other driver got his head out of his car window, looked at my Dad and shouted, "Putang Ina! (~ Fuck It)". Dad, who doesn't take that kind of shit either, yelled back, "Putang Ina mo rin! (Fuck you too!)". The other guy was infuriated and got out of this car walking aggressively towards my Dad with his fist clenched. This guy looked like Rambo and Attila the Hun combined.

Selected Gang
Unbeknownst to him, or perhaps he didn't notice, there were 4 other guys in my Dad's car - big robust guys, all members of the notorious Selected Gang of Kamuning. Dad and his passengers all got off the car and stood there, waiting for the guy to come closer. It was like the showdown at OK Corral!

A Whiter Shade of Pale
The other guy, seeing 5 burly guys come out of the car, turned pale - but he couldn't back-off, or lose face. His aggressive swagger slowed down into a measured tentative half-step. His fist was now open-palmed. Dad and his crew remained there looking defiant.

The Fig Leaf
When the guy reached my Dad, his sheepish words were, "Bakit mo naman ako minura? (why did you say bad words to me?)". Dad, at that point, knew the score - there was no need to further humiliate the guy. Giving the tough guy a fig leaf, with a Poker face, just said, "Kalimutan na lang natin 'to. (We can forget about the whole thing)". Having his balls still intact, the guy drove away.

Rolling on the Road Laughing
When he was out of sight, Dad and his posse burst into an uncontrollable laughter. To this date, when they go drinking, that story keeps coming back.

--- TheLoneRider

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Gerbrand Jung

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