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lucid thoughts

October 2, 2000 Monday

The Blues

Downer
It's been a week of work from my France holidays, and I feel back to the same doldrum. There's no new work, and socially, I feel aloof and much of an outsider. I know, I could probably help myself by forcing a smile and starting to talk...but it's just not there. So it's my choice. Am I complaining? I don't really know..but this is not my idea of what being happy is.

The Party
The party at Loopy's is a refreshing break...it's good to be meeting strangers again...maybe because I can start on a clean slate...no baggage. Pam was interesting, but I babbled about mountain bikes...even though she was clearly not interested. Monica was nice to chat with... and so was Millie.

The Mountain Biking Race
The season finale at Durham Forest was a good way to bid the season goodbye. 2 laps covering 22 km. of the toughest technical race route. I could still manage it, although because of fatigue, my steering was rather twitchy and timing was a tad off on the 2nd lap. Anyway, no injury and I finished in decent time...considering I only had 3 days to train for it by biking to work Wed - Fri.

Dazed
Kristine is feverish early this morning. I was fearing the occurence of a convulsion. My kids make life sweet...otherwise, everything seems an exercise in meaningless futility. What's missing? a playmate? a social life? peer acceptance? no shit.

Mid-Life Shit
My career dilema persists. Where do I go from HTML? Programming is really not for me even though the money is there. I can't indefinitely do html. It's going the way of the dinosaur, not to mention I won't be earning any more than what I'm getting now. At 40, I still don't know where to put myself, while our CTO, Doug, is also 40 and happens to be the best e-commerce guy in the whole of Canada. What am I to say? I have my health? Well, I have my kids and I have my health.

--- TheLoneRider

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